tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39171053446968899252024-03-08T04:18:36.621-08:00Saints InsideEric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-86430772821661893722022-02-01T13:58:00.000-08:002022-02-01T13:58:33.205-08:00Suicide Squad<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“Hey, man,
you’re too late!” comes the first shout to greet me. I tune out the other
comments and catcalls as I enter the section and make my way to the backstairs,
nodding and raising hand to cells as I go. The mood is more subdued than usual,
but it’s not as much as you might expect.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Walking down
the narrow tier on 2–row, I’m stopped by a black pool of congealing goo coming
from the next cell down. The “house” I’m headed to, that I been called out to
visit, is still many doors away.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“Kinda
stinks, don’t it?” Says the guy in the cell beside me, his hands and face
pressed to the open food slot in his metal door, at knee level.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I glance
over, shaken. This is the first time I’ve ever seen so much blood, outside of a
movie. I cringe at the thought of how much more must be covering the cell
floor.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“They just
left a couple of hours ago,” says the guy. “Took a video and all that crap.
Didn’t even try to save him, though. No CPR, nothin.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I doubt if
it would’ve helped anyway. I say, “Where’s the SSI?” The janitor. I pity the
inmate who has to clean this up.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“Haven’t
seen him. Probably still passin’ out Johnies.” (Paper sacks with a hard-boiled
egg and two slices of bread with a smear of peanut butter [it’s disingenuous to
call it a sandwich]). Our breakfast, now, this past year or so. And too often
our lunch and dinner.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A tug on my
pants leg beckons me to crouch down to the guy’s level, where we can better
converse. Overpowering the metallic smell of blood, now is the reek of feces
and urine and unwashed body emanating from the 3 x 12” black hole. Though
prepared, I still have to fight a gag reflex and breathe through my mouth. Like
most prisoners in solitary, this poor fool probably hasn’t been given a shower
in weeks.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I recognize
him now, in the gloom. Old school. “Hey, how’s it going, Jerry? You hangin’ in
there?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“You should
come last night,” is all he says.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“Yeah, well.
. . “I’d only learned about the situation minutes ago. “Who was it? Emilio,
right?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“Yep. Dumb mother****r.
I tried to tell him, six months is nothing. I’ve done almost 3 years in this sh**hole.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Emilio had
been new to 12–Building, to segregation. He’d recently been denied parole and
started acting out, fighting. We talked a few times before, on some of my
regular walks, days ago, but he hadn’t seemed any more depressed than normal.
Which is a pretty sad statement when depressed <u>is </u>the normal around
here.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Of course, I
wonder if I could’ve said anything to Emilio that would’ve helped. I try to
replay our brief conversations over, in my mind, but nothing sticks out. He was
pissed off and frustrated and lonely as hell, but who isn’t when they’re thrown
into a cramped, filthy cell without running water, for weeks on end. That’s the
one thing he mentioned. I remember now: his sink didn’t work; he had to fill
his cup from the toilet. And he had no mattress or sheets either, but that’s
usual for new arrivals to seg. And he’d been pretty freaked out about all the
mice and roaches. And all the noise 24/7, the screaming . . .<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“I couldn’t
do it,” I muttered to myself. Then louder, to Jerry: “I don’t blame him. I
couldn’t do it either, man. I mean yeah, he made the wrong decision, but. . . <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“He kept
hollerin’ for psyche. . . For somebody,” Jerry interrupts. “Like, for hours. He
didn’t just make a wrong decision, dude.” I shrugged. “But nobody came. Until
way after shift change.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">This didn’t
surprise me. Our unit, like prisons across the country, is dangerously
understaffed. I’ve never understood why anyone would want to work here, or
settle for working here, and clearly that thought is catching on. Guards are
quitting in droves, and new recruits don’t last long at all. So, buildings that
should have a minimum of a dozen guards, have to make do with two or three.
Which means the one hour recreation prisoners are supposed to receive each day,
i.e. fresh air, at least, if not sunshine or room to move, has become a distant
memory of “better” times. And hours go by between count times, when a guard
walks quickly by the cells, clipboard in hand, barely sparing a glance for the
tragic soul inside, ignoring whatever pleas or entreaties come through the
door.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In general population, fights and sexual
assaults are more prevalent among those forced to share a tiny cell.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Some prisons
are kept on perpetual lockdown because there are not enough guards to respond
to a crisis, should one arise. Other, smaller prisons are closing.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">However, the
worst side effect of this understaffing issue, for both prisoners and the
communities to which they’re supposed to return <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>someday,is the vastly reduced number of
rehabilitation and wellness programs available, limited as they were before.
Education and vocational classes are canceled more often than held, due to
security concerns. Psychiatric departments are also understaffed, and
counseling is virtually nonexistent. . . A joke, really. So, unless an inmate
takes the initiative, and has the ability, to rehabilitate himself, a prison is
nothing more than a warehouse for the living dead.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Which brings
me to the reason I’m squatting beside a giant, coagulating pool of blood and
some roaches, I now notice, stuck to its edges. The number of suicides of
prisoners across the country is rising at an alarming rate. We had three just
this past week. So, our unit has created a suicide prevention team to help
solve this PR nightmare and potential liability problem. Officially, were
called the “Hope Squad” but everyone, including the warden, calls us the “Suicide
Squad.” We’re summoned at all hours to talk with other inmates threatening
suicide, or to just walk the buildings, the tiers of cells, to see if anyone
simply wants to talk. But really, we all know that our job is to replace the
guards and psychologists that we’ve never had enough of in the first place. And
that’s fine, if it gets results.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But it’s not
fine, as the newly empty cell beside me attests. I’m not a trained counselor. I
can’t do anything about the cruel and inhumane conditions these guys are forced
to live with. I can’t do anything about the voices in their heads. I can’t
prevent them from screwing up and being sent to solitary or high security, or
being denied parole. I’m just a nice guy who knows how to listen. I can be
tough on the idiots who do drugs (which, unfortunately, is most of them these
days). But again, I can’t really blame them: both drugs and suicide are the
only ways they can “escape’s. . . One is just a bit more permanent.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“Are you here
to talk to somebody?” Jerry asks me.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I nod and
look in the direction I’m heading. “Yep.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“Like
Washington?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I nod again.
Poor Washington has had some trouble coping lately. He’s been talking a lot
about hanging himself. And the cutting has gotten worse.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“I don’t get
it, man” says Jerry as I stand to go. “Why do you care about that dude? I mean,
<b>they</b> don’t.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I can’t help
but agree with that last part.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“They sure
as hell don’t care how we live,” he says matter-of-factly. “So why should they
care how we die?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As usual, I
don’t know what to say. I just shake my head and stare at the puddle in front
of me.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Then I jump
across.<o:p></o:p></span></p>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-40514079061126779842016-12-18T11:41:00.000-08:002016-12-18T11:41:15.238-08:00A Failed Intervention?<span lang=""></span><span style="font-size: small;">"History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives." </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– –</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN"> Abba Eban</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
<br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Here's a story I've been wanting to tell for a while now but just figured people wouldn't believe it </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – either that or they would think I was nuts. But I'm beyond caring about that anymore and I believe it really is something interesting to consider. So here goes; readers can make of it what they will.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">This took place in Austin, Texas, just months before my crime – – the robbery</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">. It happened <u>twice</u>; and both times had everything to do with me eventually coming to prison.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;">But first, a little history: I've driven all over this country. Prior to Austin I'd lived in Seattle for many years and could find my way anywhere without a problem. I'd driven all over Los Angeles and San Francisco and Houston and Chicago and many other cities and towns, and if ever I lost my way it was only for a few minutes before I quickly found my bearings. I'd lived in Austin for about a year and had driven all over the area, looking for work, exploring, etc. </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – never once getting lost.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">So anyway, anyone who's read "My (too long) Story</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">" knows that I initially purchased a handgun in order to kill myself </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – or at least that was the plan. I went to pretty much the biggest gun dealer in Austin and ha</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">d</span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"> a look around. I'd never owned a gun before. And after shooting a few different kinds in their gun range for a while (something new to do), I settled on a shiny cool looking one that the guy behind the counter assured me was used by FBI agents as their backup weapon. I figured that no matter what I was getting it for, I might as well get something James Bond would appreciate. (Right? See the logic in that?) But first I had to fill out the necessary paperwork and wait three days for a background check</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;">So now fast forward to a week or so later: I'm driving back to the gun shop to buy the gun </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – a </span></span><span style="font-size: small;">p</span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">lace I've been to before and had absolutely no trouble finding. I mean, the place is </span></span><u><span style="font-size: small;">HUGE</span></u><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">, with a giant red billboard right off the highway</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
But I can't find it.<br />
<br />
I keep driving the same route I did before, recognizing all the same exits and traffic signs, the same overpasses, the same shops and buildings lined up along the way. But no gun store. It's nowhere to be found.<br />
<br />
And after about a half an hour of this, going back and forth, up and over the same stretches, circling around and through every possible place this shop could be, I start to lose my cool. I start to doubt my sanity. And more than a dozen times I come this close to saying the hell with it, to forgetting the whole idea and just going home.<br />
<br />
But I couldn't give it up. I'd never in my life been lost like this, unable to get back to a place I'd been just days before. So now it was a matter of principle, of pride, and more than anything now, solving this mystery. The gun didn't matter anymore. I had to convince myself I wasn't losing it, or that I wasn't a complete dumb- ass.<br />
<br />
Finally, after close to an hour, I had to pull up to the hotel lobby and use a pay phone. Yes, the gun store told me, they were still in the same place, they hadn't moved across town recently. Yes, they could give me directions. And yes, it was exactly where I'd been driving in ever more frustrating circles all morning<br />
<br />
But I still couldn't find it.<br />
<br />
Seriously.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">At least not until I parked the car and had me a good long think. What was I doing? Did I really want a gun? Isn't there a better way to kill yourself? Was someone "upstairs" trying to give me a message?… But, in the end, like I said, it wasn't about the gun anymore </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – I couldn't go home defeated.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">So once again, after a quick lunch, I set out again. And this time found the gun store almost immediately. Right where it had always been. Right where I had already been searching.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">And I bought the damn gun.<br />
<br />
So, you say, what's the point of this tale? Well, hold on; there's still the second part to come; and this is what made all the difference.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">All right: now it's about a month or two later and I'm on my way to a job interview </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – in sales, of course, as always – – another "big money" opportunity for a deluded "go-getter" like myself – – selling cars, of all things, but in a new and revolutionary way (</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">!). I'd spoken to the owner of the company a few hours before. And although I've never been a car guy (give me something to haul the camping gear and that the dogs like, and I'm fine), I figured I could learn the ropes and maybe generate enough enthusiasm to get the job done. Needless to say, I wasn't too excited about the whole thing, and I probably wouldn't take the job anyway.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
The place I was looking for was a cluster of buildings in the middle of a large used car lot. A big lit up sign out front: Auto Solutions. You can't miss it, the guy had said. Plus, it was a major thoroughfare I'd been on many times before.<br />
<br />
Except I couldn't find it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Once again, it was back and forth, around and around, pounding the steering wheel, cursing up storm </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – for only the second time in my life. And again, after maybe an hour of this </span></span><span style="font-size: small;">bullshit</span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">, at my wits end, I stopped and parked and had a talk with myself</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
"Just. Go. Home", was the general theme. "You don't even like cars. What is your freakin' problem?"<br />
<br />
But even more than that was the thought, "What in the hell is going on?" And: "I'll be damned if I'll let this kick my ass." So of course, just like before, I made one last attempt.<br />
<br />
And found the place almost immediately. Right where it always was. Right where I had already been searching.<br />
<br />
And I took the damn job.<br />
<br />
Where I learned everything I needed to know about placing a classified ad for a car that didn't exist and having it billed to some temporary voicemail phone number. (However, I should say that the whole scam/robbery idea was mine alone, unfortunately.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">So now what can we make of these two incidents together </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – t</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">w</span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">o unprecedented instances of my not being able to reach somewhere in plain sight to anyone else – – two undeniably major factors contributing to me coming to prison for the rest of my life? Some may say it's simply coincidence. Some may say it was my subconscious trying to prevent me from doing things I really didn't want to do. And some say that it could've been divine intervention of some sort – – higher, wiser powers, spiritual beings, giving me a chance to change my self-destructive path, my as–yet–to–be tragically sad and completely wasted future.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">If you believe that divine intervention saved my life later, in prison (see previous blog </span></span><span style="font-size: small;">"</span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">Volunteers Wanted"), then you might fall in with the latter group, as I do, myself</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span>
<span style="font-size: small;">I've only told this story to a few people but I've given it a lot of thought over the years. I can remember those two days most vividly because there had never been any like them before. And unless my subconscious has magical predicting</span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">–the–future abilities, I'm left with the conclusion that "someone" – – some force – – maybe my higher self – –was keeping me from both those places, both those situations, those choices. That is, until I took the firm stand that I wasn't going to give up trying.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">Call it my "guardian angel", if you will, if that's more palatable to you.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm a firm believer these days. And it's a comforting thought.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><br />
</span> </span><span style="font-size: small;">If only I had just gone home on both occasions. If only I hadn't been so damn hardheaded. Then I would never had that stupid gun (at least, not that gun </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – the suicidal urge can be pretty strong), and I certainly wouldn't have even thought of that crazy car scam</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">, </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">without that job.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">But there's really no way of telling how things would've been different. After all there's that whole other possible future where I didn't confess to the crime, were I didn't get caught. And there are countless other futures based on a myriad of choices I did or did not make.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">So much of life in prison is spent wondering "What if </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– –?" It's not bad enough to suffer from the constant remorse of every mistake you've ever made, no matter how small, but, also, the thought of all you've missed out on – – what could've been – – is an even greater torture. Which is why so many of us in here, I think, try not to think at all.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">You are your own worst critic, as they say.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Which sort of leads me to why I wrote my latest novel, "Vengeant". We are the sum total of our choices in life. But what if we refused to remember them? What if there was an infinite number of other realities </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – other lives – – based on different choices we made? What if there was an infinite number of other selves?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">So many times I've entertained the notion</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">, "Well, at least there is one version of myself who's not in prison, who's leading the life I should be living." And according to quantum physics and some of the best minds on the planet, that's not just fantasy. It's even a spiritual teaching in some circles. So you never know…</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Anyway, I think the thing to keep in mind is that were always just one choice, one decision, away from altering the course of our lives forever </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">– – be it for better or for worse. Or, at least, that <u>potential</u> is always there. And I think we all have made choices we'd like to make over again.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">I know I certainly would.</span><br />
<br />
<br />Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-43312217382524073792015-05-21T04:16:00.001-07:002015-05-21T04:16:27.569-07:00Leading by Example<br />
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“Leading by Example”<o:p></o:p></h2>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p> </div>
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<span style="background-color: cyan; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">"As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: cyan;">-- Nelson Mandela<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">A friend in the free world once said to me a while ago,
after losing my final appeal for a fair sentence, “well, maybe your light is
just meant to shine a little longer in there.” And what she said has stuck
with me. It may have been the best feedback I could’ve gotten.It has helped me since and given me purpose . And it inspires me, when things look bleak.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">We can all be shining lights, of course, and it’s needed
everywhere. Perhaps no more than in prison, where life is at its darkest
for most people, especially those new to the System. Most especially, for those
who been sentenced to a lot of time and are scared shitless. As I once was.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Everyone is worried and afraid when they first get here – –
the ones who put on the “tough guy” act, I think, even more so than the others.
Which is why they do it, of course. The fear of violence was my biggest worry
for many years. Never been a violent person "despite my “violent” crime). I
had to fight a lot, at first, with various predators, who saw me as an easy
mark. Fortunately, I’m not a little guy or weak minded, so it proved to be not
worth the hassle for them. But some aren’t so fortunate, and their first months
and years in here can even be more of a living hell than for most. These guys
need champions to stick up for them, watch their backs – – but, most
importantly, to be role models.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Actually, we all need role models. (This is one of my
soapbox topics.) I think positive (key word there) role models are what are
lacking in many people’s lives – – not just kids. I think that those people who
have their shit together, so to speak need to actively mentor others,
especially the youth, not be shy about it (humble, yes; modest, maybe; but not
shy ). Make the time and effort. Seek people out. Just a single day or an
afternoon of mentoring to make a big difference in someone else’s life. I know
this from experience on both ends of the deal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">However, having said that, it’s common knowledge that those
who most need mentoring are usually the least likely to know it, ask for it, or
even want it. That was certainly the case with me, at one time. (I think it’s
safe to put every single alcoholic and drug addict into this group.) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So
sometimes the best, or only way, to “mentor” someone else is to lead by example.
Doing the best we know how, being the best person we can be – – day in, day
out. Letting others see how it’s done; even how easy it can be, once certain
self-made obstacles are removed. It’s possible to motivate and inspire and calm
just by your presence.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">In prison there is no such thing as privacy. You’re
constantly being watched – – both by the guards and your fellow inmates.
Everything you do or say scrutinized and judged and recorded into memory. And it establishes your place in the quote "pecking order”, so to speak, where “respect”
is the ultimate measure.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">The bottom line is: those who have the most respect from others,have the most respect for themselves. Which means, above all, they have
no fear. Not only fear of violence (you get over that, eventually, hopefully),
but of damage to their ego. They couldn’t care less how others perceive them,
because they are happy (or at least at peace) with themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">This is the fear that causes most problems for people, I
think, whether inside or outside the walls and razor wire: they worry too much
about what others think of them; and everything they do – – their entire world,
it seems – – revolves around this. Your self-worth is based on the opinion of
others, rather than on any inner strength or inner peace or inner knowledge.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">I think the best thing a mentor can do is to instill those
senses of inner strength, peace, knowledge in another person. And the best
thing all of us can do, once we obtain these things ourselves, is live from and
practice these qualities every day, as well as we can.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">I sat down to write this because I had a long walk and talk,
today with the guy who does this, who embodies these things. His name is Robert
Meek. He’s been in prison for over 24 years, and he’s without a doubt one of
the nicest, most caring people you’d ever hope to meet. It’s been his goal, for
as long as I’ve known him to make our hopeless environment in here better, more
peaceful, more enlightened. Working with the chaplain’s office, he started a
weekly Eastern religions service/class for anyone interested. It has really
taken off and helped a lot of people. And he's one of those guys who leads by
example;whose fearless in the right way.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">I've been told</span>
by a few fellow prisoners over the years that I’ve been a role model for them,
too, just the way I carry myself – – choosing to be positive despite everything
else, despite a ridiculously excessive sentence. I’m the one a lot of
guys come to for advice, I guess because I at least I give the appearance of
having my act together, which – which again, above all – – means I have no fear.
Of anything. I’m not afraid anymore of having to spend the rest of my life in
here. I’m not afraid of anyone, nor their opinion of me. I’m certainly not
afraid of dying, knowing what I know now about who and what we truly are as
spiritual beings having one of many “brief” physical experiences on Earth.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">However, I definitely need to work on my fear of loving my
fellow man; of forgiving. As we all probably do.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">There a lot of people in prison who have become fearless in
this regard, over time. They’ve had nothing but time to work on themselves,
improve themselves, in hope of the second chance at life someday. And, believe
me, they are no danger to society no matter how much of their sentences remain.
Just the opposite: these are the people who can effectively mentor – troubled
youth, alcoholics and drug addicts, and anyone else in danger of coming to
prison themselves someday. These are the people<em> those</em> people will actually
listen to.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So many of us in prison have so much potential to
do so much good out there. This is the message I want to impart. Prison can be
a transformative experience. And just one of the many things we learn, once we
get our hearts and minds right, is how important it is to lead by example and inspire others to do the same.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Thanks for listening. I hope I’m not sounding like a broken
record, repeating the same things too often. I hope you enjoy these occasional
insights from “inside.” A big shout out to my mom, who so diligently and
lovingly puts this blog online. </span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Bye for now,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"></span></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Eric<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<h2>
</h2>
Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-34970415566155187812015-05-21T04:05:00.002-07:002015-05-21T04:18:18.751-07:00Living in the Bathroom<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; font-size: 20pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></span> </div>
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="color: #e46c0a; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">“The last of human freedom: the ability to choose one’s attitude in
a given set of circumstances.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e46c0a; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #E46C0A; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent6; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>– – Viktor Frankl<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Imagine that you live in your bathroom. Not the one with the
Jacuzzi and the walk-in shower, but the smallish one – – maybe 6 x 9 – – with
the tub– – it has to have a tub. After all, you need a place to sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">The only contact you have with the outside world are letters – –
wonderful letters! – – Slipped under the door every so often along with your
daily tray of food. And books – – glorious books! – – That also arrive, less
frequently.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">You get lonely sometimes, and depressed, after spending a few years
like this on your own; but you console yourself knowing that you – – well, not
you but your Soul or Higher Self – – have chosen this way of life for reason –
– perhaps to learn something, grow spiritually, somehow, which is all your soul
and Higher Self care about anyway (the bastards!).<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">You have plenty of time to meditate and exercise, plenty of time to
sleep and dream, and way too much time to think about the meaning of life and
your infinitesimal place in it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, all in all, you live the life of leisure, and countless people
outside your bathroom would undoubtedly love to trade places with you (though
maybe only for a while – – not more than a month or two – – a year? – – Yeah,
right).<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So life is grand.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Until…<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Until one day the bathroom door opens and another person is shoved
inside and no, unfortunately, it’s not a member of the opposite sex or anyone
you might find attractive like that at all. On the contrary: just imagine the
type of person you would least – – very, very, very least – – ever want to
spend any time with, and this is who it is. (Apparently, your Soul and Higher
Self can read your mind, or something, because they have chosen the most
perfectly repulsive and abrasive personality to clash with your own.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Being such a nice person yourself, of course, you try to get along.
You take turns sleeping in the tub and on the bathroom floor, and you do your
best to flush flush flush while on the John. But eventually you argue; and you
fight; and then, bloody and bruised, you’re planning the other person’s death
as you, too, start sleeping with one eye open.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So much for your life of leisure<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">But then one day, you remember a line from one of your books
(glorious books!). It goes something like, “see your enemy as your teacher” or
some such crap. So you start to question, to ponder: what can this asshole actually
teach me?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Patience?. . . Tolerance?. . . Like hell! Well . . . Maybe.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Understanding?. . . Compassion? . . .<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Generosity?. . . Selflessness?. . .<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Forgiveness?. . . <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">And after six months of this daily – – moment – by – moment – exercise,
the anger and hatred start to fade. And after a year, you notice that your
sense of self-importance, your inflated ego, begin to take a backseat to
something almost like – – – loving kindness.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">You learn to listen and actually care. And, after another year, it
becomes a habit.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Ha!”, you say, shaking your fist at the bathroom ceiling. “Is that
all you’ve got?!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Uh . . . nope.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So your roommates are switched, now, on a regular basis – – each
one worse than the last.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><u><span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;">“How are people like this ever created?</span></u><span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;">”, you think. And <u>why</u>?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">But although life and the bathroom is no longer the peaceful navel
– gazing and introspection it once was, it’s certainly not boring. And, believe
it or not, you come to realize, it’s actually more enlightening this way – –
because you’re able to put all you’ve learned from your books (all your
glorious, glorious books!) on psychology, philosophy and theology and such,
into common practice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">It’s one thing to read about facing challenges, overcoming
obstacles, dealing with various unsavory people – – it’s another to do it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So, you’re better off for the experiences, in the end, as difficult
as they were at that time. And life in the bathroom, you figure, has made you a
better person overall. (From what you remember of the outside world, it wasn’t
always easy out there, either)<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">And in the end, finally, what used to bother you before, you can
now laugh at – – the ridiculousness of it all.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So what if you aren’t actually living? – – If you won’t ever love again
or do all those things real people do? So what if you won’t ever pet a dog or
hug a tree or hold a child’s hand? So what if you never taste pizza or
cheeseburger again? Look how much you’ve grown in other ways.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Right?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Right? . . .<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Life in the bathroom isn’t for the weak- hearted; it isn’t for
everyone. You’ve heard that many lose their minds, or. . . worse.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">But you’ll carry on. Because at some point you realize that you’re
making a difference, no matter how small: all these other people sharing your
bathroom, for however long, are leaving it better off – – happier, more at
peace, even more loving may be. And it is because of you, you think – – your
example, your talks, or the books (the glorious books) you’ve turned them on
to.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">And then one day you have an epiphany: perhaps there is a way to
reach even more people, those outside the bathroom door, after all you have
paper and a pen . . . You can write letters. Or, maybe. . . a book . . a glorious,
glorious book! One of your own.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Why not?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Crazier things have happened.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Thank you all for your interest and caring.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Thanks for all the wonderful reviews online of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Escaping The Wheel</b>. Writing it has given me such purpose, and your
enthusiasm for it has encouraged me to begin #2.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">I appreciate it a lot.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Bye for now,<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #632523; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 128;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Eric<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-77103714273145073592011-10-23T08:27:00.000-07:002016-12-18T11:51:20.968-08:00The Reading Railroad<div align="center">
<span style="color: #660000;"></span> </div>
<div align="center">
<span style="color: #660000;">"If the book comes from the heart, it will contrive to reach other hearts."</span> </div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
Books, books, and more books!. One of the favorite pastimes for prisoners is reading. We certainly have the "leisure" time for it. With novels we can escape this place for a while, and nonfiction can expand our minds. <br />
<br />
Most everyone in here has a book going at any one time. those who don't are looking for one. Sure, there are some people who just don't read, but being locked away in a 5 x 9 cement box for years on end will make a reader out of just about anyone. <br />
<br />
Our unit library is a pretty good one.(it was virtually nonexistent on my previous unit , Coffield.) However, the problem is actually being able to go to the library. Each section/wing of the prison is allowed access for only one hour every five days. It's easy to get stuck out, especially if you have to work during that time:; and they only let in so many inmates in at once. You can check out two books per week; and woe to the fool who lets his books get overdue: goodbye library privileges. The inmates kept in solitary and in segregation get their books delivered, requesting certain titles and subjects. I'm trying to get a job in the library so I can push my favorite spiritual and educational books on those guys ( on everyone, actually ).<br />
<br />
But most books in here are privately owned and come from the free world, sent by friends and family members. Once read, they usually hit the Reading Railroad, the underground lending library.<br />
<br />
Underground because, officially, the prison authorities have a problem with us sharing books. Personal property is never to be shared or given away. If an inmate is found with a book without his name and number printed in it denoting ownership,the book is confiscated, often just thrown away, regardless of its value. Lots of books are confiscated. So, If a person's on top of his game,when he receives a book he'll erase the name and number already there and add his own in pencil to keep the law from throwing a fit. I don't understand, why they sweat it , myself. Anything to make our lives more miserable than they already are, I guess. It's a real tragedy when a book gets confiscated for no reason. <br />
<br />
The prison mailroom frequently deny the books and magazine sent to us. If it doesn't come directly from the bookstore or publisher, it's not allowed. Also if it has been singled out by some Texas Baptist somewhere and reported to prison headquarters, its red flagged and not allowed. This could be a bestseller or an award-winning piece of literature, but if it's been decided that one page contains "subversive" or "harmful" material, the title is placed on a statewide "Do Not Allow" list. Much of it makes no sense, of course. They'll ban a classic becauseof a rape scene, but allow every sort of gruesome serial killer crime novel. They will allow magazines with photos of women that leave nothing to the imagination, but ban a"National Geographic" because it contains a photo of a naked nursing and nande iswborn baby. I kid you not. They flip over the most trivial, innocent, stupid things. It's as if they enjoy denying us reading material every chance they get. It's thoughtless and heartless. But there's nothing can we really do about it. Welcome to Texas. <br />
<br />
Every once in a while a forbidden book makes its way into the prison. Some are great books like "Fight Club" or " World Without End"; and some magazine might have an unnoticed article like "Inside the Mafia" or something. If discovered by the wrong guard, the inmate risks a major disciplinary case and the punishment that goes with it. Usually,we will replace the cover on such books. They'll ride the Reading Railroad very discreetly. Once I read a martial arts book that taught "one touch death strikes ". Ha! It looked more like a medical textbook than anything else, so it pasted the mailrooms inspection. We had fun with that ine for a long time. No doubt it's still lives on. <br />
Often a popular book will have a whole list of prisoners who are next in line to read it penciled in on the inside cover. It's the honor system for the most part and its respected. Sometimes the book will travel all the way across the unit, from hand-to-hand, past crash gates and pat searches to get to the next person in line for it. Books are also shared spontaneously, of course, going to whoever needs one at the moment. There's always a designated place on each wing, a windowsill or ledge somewhere, where available books are placed , free to a good home. A good book may last 3 minutes, tops, before it's snatched up. <br />
<br />
Books are a godsend in prison. They are cherished. So many people in here are real booklovers, and I find it amazing that the same people say they'd never read a word on the outside prior to getting locked up. It just wasn't something they did before. But now they've got the time and interest. And it's changed their lives. <br />
<br />
I call the constant flow of books throughout the prison the Reading Railroad because 1)it just sounds cool, like the Monopoly board property; 2) it's kept under the radar like the underground railroad that helped free slaves back in the day; and 3) like the railroad, the Reading Railroad liberates people, freeing them from ignorance and the thoughts and ideas that held them down before. That is why my favorite books are those that educate and enlighten. And that is why I do what I can to load the Railroad full of such material. <br />
<br />
Pretty much every book I receive from home or order from the bargain books catalog is donated to the cause. I read a lot of nonfiction primarily : history, science, spirituality, travel. Not everyone's favorite stuff, but I hear back from many inmates who tell me how much they enjoyed and learned from the books. As far as fiction goes, I'm a real snob – – way too picky. The books have to be an award winners with five star reviews before I'll give it a shot. But there are plenty of them out there, so I'm pretty much blessed with a wide variety of really great books to read at all times. Thank God. I don't know how I could cope without them. And thank Mom, of course, who requests a book list from me each year and does her darndest to send everyone. She knows that every book she sends will eventually be read and enjoyed by hundreds. more prisoners over the years. Anyone who sends books to prison inmates is doing a real service and blessing a lot of poor souls. <br />
<br />
There are five books I keep is my own little lending library: the first five are the required reading list<a href="mailto:list@mysticministries.org">@mysticministries.org</a>.:<br />
Conversations with God – – Walch<br /> Backwards – – Danison<br /> Journey of souls – – Newton<br /> Same Soul, Many Bodies – – Weiss<br /> Ramtha, The White Book – – Knight<br />
<br />
There's littte here that makes me happier than someone telling me how much one of these books has meant to them. I wish everyone in prison – – in the world would read at least these five books . I believe doing so would put an end to so many problems we all face, especially crime; and people would live happier, more fulfilling lives. Guaranteed! The books are really that good. <br />
Mohamed said that any philosopher who taught a metaphysics he had not himself realized was just a donkey carrying about a book load of books. <br />
<br />
Nothing beats experience, as they say, but reading a book good book can come pretty close sometimes. And for those of us with no real way to experience a particular thing, reading about it is often our only option. Of course, I would love to travel to Morocco, but being in prison makes that a bit difficult at the moment. Then again, I really don't want to join an outlaw motor club, but I can read about what it's like. Not to mention the fact that it's impossible to experience for ourselves what life was like in Rome in 140 A.D. , but we can read about it all day. Plus, there are countless bits of information and ideas relayed through books that we would probably never have encountered otherwise. As book readers, we can experience and learn vicariously through others. <br />
<br />
As far spirituality goes, I agree that ultimately there is nothing better than experiencing the Di asvine for oneself. But if we haven't yet had this experience ourselves there's no reason why we can't read about it from the many who have. There are numerous books out there that recount near-death experiences of the afterlife ( someone temporarily dies on the operating table, for example), where the authors experience themselves as eternal spiritual beings of light. Their stories are all similar, relating nearly identical experiences of being welcomed by other spiritual beings as themselves, receiving messages of why they must return to their bodies, etc. Plus, there are numerous books written by doctors and psychiatrists about patients they've treated over the years with transpersonal hypnotherapy, where the person accesses and experiences there superconscious, or Higher Self, and answers questions and relates information from that "higher" spiritual plane. Again, their accounts are all very similar. No matter their religion or culture, everyone speaking from the state describes nearly the exact same details of the "spirit world" and why we are here on earth in these physical bodies. The recorded and written transcripts of these sessions are amazing and make great reading material. So, short of dying and coming back or experiencing a transpersonal hypnotherapy session ourselves, we can learn a lot about the true spiritual nature of Reality from these books.<br />
<br />
" There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio , than are dreamt of in your philosophy",and we can learn about them in books. Study titles on metaphysics and parapsychology and "New Age" spirituality. Sure, there's some misinformation, some bullshit, out there but that stuff shouldn't eclipse or discount what is really true. With so much written on any particular subject, it's important to pick and choose only the very best, I think. I'm a sucker for excellent reviews and tend to prejudge a book by the number of these it has. But the best recommendations come from the authors and researchers whom I have come to respect most. If they all recommend the same titles, then, of course, is t is hose are the ones I'm going to read. This is how my booklist on online <a href="mailto:o@mysticministries.org">@mysticministries.org</a> was put together over the years. The best of the best, I promise. I encourage everyone to check them out. Some might change your life forever.<br />
<br />
When you think of those in prison, picture us reading – – rogue scholars trying to improve ourselves and better understand the world. That's the reality, not what you see on TV. Reading has changed our lives and made us better people. <br />
<br />
Books, books, and more books! Consider donating your used books to the county jail or prison in your area. Drug and alcohol rehabilitation centers can also undoubtedly use them. As much as books might look cool sitting on your shelves, or as much as you might be "attached" to them, please remember that books are meant to be read. so, give them away – – don't sell them – – to people who will really enjoy them. Set up a free book "garage sale" with instructions to pass them along to others. Keep finished books in the car to leave in waiting rohim oms and other places for whoever might appreciate them. And maybe visit your local schools to give away some books that influenced you at that age. Just some ideas to spread the"word". <br />
<br />
As always, thanks for listening and caring. Bye for now.<br />
<br />
--Eric Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-81823152141016994372011-09-26T12:04:00.000-07:002011-09-26T12:18:49.079-07:00Website Update Website Update Website Update Website Update<div><p align="left"><font color="#6600cc"></font> </p><p align="left"><font color="#6600cc"> "The end is nothing, the road is all." – – Willa Cather</font></p><p align="left"><br />Please check out the latest additions to the "Mystery School" at Mystic Ministries.org – – 15 hand-drawn pages by yours truly. Some really neat stuff, I think. Many, many hours go into the making of each picture and paragraph. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.</p><p align="left">The book list has also been updated with a couple of changes to the "required" reading section. I feel this is the most important part of the site. Please let me know if you read any of the books I recommend, and tell me what you think of them. I hope they change your life as they have mine. </p><p align="left">More additions to the Mystery School are planned . Part 4 will be short and sweet and ready by Christmas, and an extensive Part 5 should be completed about nine months to a year later. This an ongoing project, of course. certainly have the time, and I hope you'll have the patience and interest to keep checking back every so often. The best is yet to come.</p><p align="left">Thanks for visiting the site and for spreading the word about it. It means a lot to me.</p><p align="left">Bye for now. </p><p align="left">--Eric</p><p align="left"><font color="#6600cc"><br /></font></p><font color="#6600cc"></font><p align="center"><font color="#6600cc"></font> </p><p align="center"><font color="#6600cc"></font> </p></div>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-61533197195590928042011-08-30T08:55:00.000-07:002011-08-30T10:27:34.868-07:00The Millionth Prisoner<p align="center"><span style="color:#ff6600;">"Ones happiness lies in direct proportion to the character of one's thoughts."</span></p><p>I am Texas prisoner 145, 256. I was assigned that number just over 10 years ago. Those people just entering the system are in the 1, 750, 000 range.</p><p>Many old-timers tell me how much prison has changed over the years. I've heard all the stories of how bad – – a violent cutthroat – – things used to be in here. Bt apparently things begin to change shortly after I arrived, somewhere around the 1 million prisoner, I think.There's been a real change of consciousness throughout the prison system, and I've noticed it become even greater and more widespread during my own time inside. It's obvious to anyone who's been here a while. Even the guards, who tend to be the most mean-spirited people in this place, seem to be affected by it. As a whole, the prisons in Texas – – and I'm sure around the country – – have become more and more peaceful. They would be unrecognizable to what they were 15 to 20 years ago.</p><p>The fact is, prisons are no longer the violent hellholes they once were and as they are continually portrayed. Of course, there'll always be problem inmates and those who need to be kept away from society forever, but even they are relatively docile compared to the monsters of the public's imagination. It is the young gangsters who tend to cause the most trouble, but that's something they'll eventually grow out of in time and with proper mentoring. The vast majority of prisoners are just normal people who screwed up and want to do better, given the chance. Prisons today are more like monasteries ; they truly have become places where penitence and spiritual reflection are possible. A noticeable change in consciousness seems to be the reason for this. Can this be possible? </p><p>As human beings we all share collective consciousness. Countries, towns, and communities each have their own collective consciousness as well that is shaped and affected by the thoughts and emotions of the people who live there. All of the various ethnic groups and different types of people of the world also have their own collective consciousnesses that they share. I believe prisoners and prisoners are no exception. </p><p>Scientists refer to something they called the "100th monkey" phenomen. It comes from a famous study of monkeys spread throughout a chain of islands somewhere. These monkeys regularly ate a type of sweet potato dug from the ground. One day, on one island, in one community of monkeys, the scientists noticed a monkey rinsing it's potato in the ocean before eating it. Soon, other monkeys caught on and also began washing the dirt from their potatoes. Then something strange and unexpected happened: at the point where about 100 of the monkeys were doing this, suddenly all the monkeys in every community throughout all the islands begin washing their potatoes before eating them. It was as if they all shared a collective consciousness. Since this discovery, the same phenomenon has been observed and documented in many other instances with a variety of animals. Why should humans be different ? </p><p>Our collective consciousness is like a river of information each of our subconscious minds accesses without even trying; it just happens automatically. Our thoughts and emotions are directly affected by what we absorb from this invisible "River". Our brain filters this information as it does all the other data we receive from our senses, so only a small fraction is ever brought to our conscious awareness. Without noticing, we begin to share the same ideas and feelings as other people within whatever groups we belong to, especially as more and more people do likewise. Our collective consciousnesses are continually growing and and evolving. </p><p>In prison, living in such close contact with another, we can't help but rub off upon each other.We all share the same suffering , fears, hopes, and dreams of freedom. The 3,000 of us here on the Clements unit have essentially the same mindset as the 3,500 on the Coffield, the 1600 on Eastham , or the 2,000at the Walls.We all share a collective consciousness, and it is growing and evolving to be one of patience, tolerance, kindness and compassion. Once a certain threshold was reached – – maybe at the 1,000,000th prisoner mark – – every inmate in the system was able to feel the positive consciousness and energy that had come to dominate and replace the negativity that was here before. Even without a prison system focused on rehabilitation, left to her own devices, enough of us over time have raised their collective level of consciousness throughout the state and, no doubt, throughout the country.</p><p>Prison today is a place to raise one's consciousness as well as get one's act together. I want the public, who tend to be so afraid of ever letting us out, to know that the time spent prison can be extremely productive and that someone leaving here can be a great person,a top-notch citizen, better than ever before. I look forward to the day when society welcomes newly released prisoners with open arms – – when people say, "Oh, you spent five years in prison? Then you must be really have your heart and mind right." Perhaps that day will come when you all raise your own level of collective consciousness. </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">"A solitary fantasy can totally change one million realities." – – Maya Angelou</span></p><p>I'd like to see our prisons turned into schools. Instead of guards- mentors and role models. A handful of teachers on the unit could give classes on ethics and morality, spirituality, communication, life skills, and health, as well as the various trades offered now.But the real teachers could be the inmates themselves, the "seniors" schooling the "freshman" so to speak.</p><p>The minimum attendance/sentence would be three years; the maximum 10 for first offense, regardless of the crime. There'd be no such thing as parole. A second offense would mean another 5 to 20 years; and the third 10-50 more. Only the most extreme crimes would warrant a life sentence .( but 50 pretty much is a life sentence , as I know all too well.)</p><p>Every prisoner woould receive individual and group counseling, including hypnosis, which I believe is the most effective form of psychotherapy. Short – and long-term goals would be established and plans will be made for one's release/ graduation well in advance. Family and friends and other members of the community would be free to participate, however possible : through letters, audio and video messages, visits, telephone calls, pre-release support, etc. Mentoring programs would match older, wiser, and more experienced inmates with younger ones. </p><p> In addition to the core curriculum, many audio and video courses would be available. Inmates can study whatever educational and spiritual materials their hearts desire. Computers and computer training would be available with limited access to the Internet. Any spiritual/educational material could be downloaded or ordered online. Inmates would be allowed to send and receive e-mail as well as regular mail. </p><p>Also, nothing but healthy food would be served in chow halls: rice and beans fruit and vegetables, salads, eggs, oatmeal. Maybe a burger once in a while . Nothing but healthy foods would be sold the units commissaries. (There are way too many obese and diabetic prisoners today, and taxpayers just foot their medical expenses.) Exercise and meditation classes would be offered and taught by inmates. </p><p>There would be zero televisions in my prison – schools, except for those used for educational and spiritual programs. Radios with headphones would be sold in the commissaries as they are now. There would be no dominoes or playing cards. </p><p>Time in prison should be spent on rehabilitation and self-improvement , not entertainment and recreation. but of course there would be books. Books books and more books, with no restrictions on what is allowed. (though if I wanted to be a real dictator about it, I would outlaw every cookie-cutter crime novel, or least any book with a serial killer or prosecutor anywhere in it, which would eliminate the majority of trash being printed and consumed by the masses these days.) Each unit's library would be large and managed by inmates. Craft classes are essential. (See my previous blog on their rehabilitation potential.)</p><p> The prison schools' main goal would be to turn lead into gold and to eliminate inmate recidivism. Every person who enters the system should leave new and improved and much better off for the experience. I know for fact it's possible for people to look back on their time in prison as the most positive turning point in their lives; and if that can happen with the sorry state of affairs that our prisons are in now, just think of the possibilities. </p><p>"Vote"for me, and I will run our prisons more effectively,more humanely and more economically. There's actually no reason tax payers have to pay so much to incarcerate so many, only to have the majority (70% ) get locked right back up again. Our prison and parole system is a disaster and disgrace. Prisons nationwide are nothing but mismanaged warehouses. Rather than solve any criminal or social problems, they make them worse. Put me in charge, and I promise to turn every prison farm into a center for higher moral and spiritual learning. Give me one hour of primetime television, and I will recruit tens of thousands of caring, intelligent people to the cause. Our country's prison system can easily become the benchmark for rehabilitation worldwide and the solution to crime and punishment everywhere. </p><p>As always, thanks for listening and caring. Bye for now. </p><p> – – Eric </p><p> </p><p>
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<br /></p>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-34043131886731518182011-07-17T15:19:00.000-07:002011-07-19T08:04:55.335-07:00" Free Eric " Campaign<div><p align="left">A friend of mine died in here the other day. Heatstroke, they say, after exercising in the yard. He was in his 40s, in great shape. As a recovered alcoholic and addict, like myself, he dreamed of of of getting out and helping others recover as well. It's all he wanted to do.He Had a lot of spirit and was a good speaker; there's no doubt he could've helped many people out there. We talked a lot about the kind of people we were before coming to prison and the ways we have changed since – – the lessons we've learned. We had much in common. It's a shame he'll never realize his dreams of being free again, but I know he did help some fellow inmates while he was locked up. I hope he realizes this and is at peace; no regrets.<br /><br />There are great many people in prison today who want nothing more than to help others avoid the same fate, the same mistakes. They have a lot to offer. Because they personally experienced such things as alcoholism, addiction, depression, abuse, gang membership, and crime, they are the ones best suited to counsel those struggling with these issues. However, most won't get the chance. They been shut in a cage for the rest of their lives. Although they have changed profoundly and have more than suffered enough for their crimes, they are kept locked away from the world and the people they can best help. Although they may have hurt no one but themselves, they are deemed a threat to society. Their recovery and accomplishments and change in character while in prison go unnoticed and unappreciated. Their life experiences are apparently worthless.<br /><br />I believe prisoners and parolees have an obligation to repay society by doing some kind of community service work. And many want to do just that. Like my friend who recently passed away, many inmates feel obligated to share their experiences in order to help others – – before they also come to prison. Those prisoners who have truly turned their lives around are the best people to counsel troubled youth, addicts, and anyone else in danger of going to prison someday. I'm certain that both current and former inmates can be utilized to drastically reduce the large number of people being sent to prison these days.<br /><br />Instead, all prisoners are being written off off, often lumped together in the same category ("dangerous" he) without ever being re-examined on an individual basis after some time. If the focus of our prisons was on rehabilitation, as it should be, we would more easily be able to identify those inmates ready and able to contribute back to society. Finding enough who are willing isn't the problem; you'd be amazed, I think, to see just how many people in prison want to make amends for their past behavior, given the opportunity. A substantial number of current inmates and parolees are eager to be put to work in an effort to help others avoid coming to prison themselves. And there are plenty of existing community service organizations who would be happy for their assistance.<br /><br />Unfortunately, prisons are run like warehouses, and the prison systems are reluctant to relinquish their "property". The most deserving inmates are continually being denied parole for no good reasons. And way too many people today are being sentenced him him him him excessively, guaranteeing the future of crowded prisons and job security for the prison industry, not to mention the courts and countless lawyers involved. A huge number of genuinely good, decent people who have more than atoned for their sins are being imprisoned unjustly, abandoned and forgotten, left to rot away – – out of sight, out of mind.<br /><br />But no one seems to care. Perhaps those of you reading this blog do, but not many more. Even so what can be done about it? We can pressure the parole board to parole all those prisoners who qualify and who are deserving of it. However the parole system is already overworked and understaffed and underfunded, usually spending only 2 min. to review someone's file (often containing errors and misinformation). Besides, they'll tell you that society is not prepared to absorb the many thousands more parolees and job seekers (and they may be right). We can pressure state representatives to legislate funding and policy for probation and parole rather than prisons, and to establish fair and reasonable sentencing guidelines. . We can pressure local prosecutors, judges, and district attorneys to seek only punishments that fit the crime, but don't break the tax payers backs, and that don't needlessly destroy people's lives. Unfortunately, politicians generally only do what's "safe" and ultimately in their best interests<br /><br />So what actually is to be done about the many thousands of good decent people being imprisoned for far too long in this country? I think it will require a major shift in public awareness. It will require a whole new perception of crime and punishment, i.e. being Smart rather than Tough on crime. It would require the cooperation of and an entirely new approach by the media, the news outlets, where, instead of playing to the public's fears and caring only for ratings and "entertainment" value, they educate and inform and work for the betterment of society. In short, it will require a miracle.<br /><br />Hopefully, as more and more people care about the lives of fellow Americans suffering in prison unjustly and about the unwise and unsustainable rate of incarceration in this country, a solution will be found. Please, make your views known and your voice heard. Contact your local and state representatives and your state's parole board. Contact news organizations about reporting on this country's " prison problem": needless arrests, excessive sentencing, and the broken parole system. Most of all, be persistent. The Powers That Be want only to avoid problems and put off any kind of drastic action; they're content with the status quo so long as they remain in power. To effect any kind of real change, we must remind them every day of what their job is – service and who they work for – the people.<br /><br />As difficult as it is to change the system, it can be done. It's been done before. Or perhaps your efforts will help free one person. Both are tremendous accomplishments, of course. If you know someone in prison worthy of parole or reduce sentence, start there.<br /><br /></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> "</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">To suffer and learn the lesson, one pays a high price, but</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> a fool can't learn any other way."</span></div><p align="left">Last month marked my 10th year behind bars. A milestone of sorts. As it stands now, it'll be another 15 years until I can be considered for parole – – half of my 50 year sentence. However, I'm hoping to obtain a commutation that is a reduction of sentence. The likelihood of that happening is very rare, but miracles do happen. With enough support, I think it may be possible.<br /><br />So I'd like to take this opportunity, at my 10 year "anniversary", to ask for your help. If you believe that my sentence is excessive, please follow the below link and tell them so. Your letters and phone calls will make all the difference.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.mysticministries.org/letters.html">www.mysticministries.org/letters.html</a><br /><br />If you don't yet have an opinion, please read "My (too long) Story" posted previously. Hopefully, you'll agree that, although I certainly needed to be put away for a while, I was sentenced unjustly and for too long.<br /><br />I'm no saint, but I'm clearly a changed man. I no longer even remotely resemble the sorry, screwed up, insane alcoholic I once was 10 years ago. I worked hard to better myself. Redemption is real. The person who deserved to be punished doesn't exist anymore. In his place is someone who wants nothing more than to make the best of the life he has remaining, being of service to others somehow.<br /><br />I will never commit another crime; it's simply not possible. I'm ashamed and disgusted with myself for ever having done such a thing. Although I now understand that alcoholism and drug addiction destroy a person's senses of reason and morality, there can be no excuse for committing a robbery, I know. It took me years to finally forgive myself. Now I can only hope and pray for the forgiveness of others. With your help I may be given a second chance at life. Please send a letter requesting a commutation of sentence to the people listed on the link page. Change it as you wish. Be sure to add your name and contact information at the end.<br /></p><p align="left">Thank you!<br /></p><p align="left">Eric<br /></p></div>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-6635287482154697282011-06-06T19:39:00.000-07:002011-07-19T07:56:33.645-07:00Hang in There<p align="center"><span style="color:#990000;">"The closest bonds we will ever know are bonds of grief. The deepest community one of sorrow."</span></p><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#990000;">– – Cormac McCarthy</span></div><br /><div align="left"><span style="color:#990000;"></span></div><br /><div align="left">With so many tragedies occurring in this country and around the world – – tornadoes, fires, floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, war – – I haven't felt the prison life was worth discussing lately. But being sent to prison is also tragedy – – for everyone involved. Often, the prisoner loses everything he once owned, just as if a fire or flood had taken it all away. At the same time, he usually loses many or all of the people in his life. For family and friends, it can be like the person has died. Most often it is the breadwinner of the family who was now gone, and with them went the money for rent, food, clothing, school, and any dreams for the future. Being sent to prison – – whether justly or unjustly – – can be as devastating as any natural disaster.<br /><br />And the prison problem is as much a national disaster as a personal one. The United States, with 2.3 million people behind bars, has the highest incarceration rate by far of any other country in the world. Include these people's families at least 10 million people are affected, most of them children. The $70 billion spent by state and federal governments on prisons each year is more than what is spent on all our natural disasters combined.<br /><br />But, as they say, every dark cloud has a silver lining. For some people, their tragedy ends up being the best thing that ever happened to them. They may have lost everything materially, only to gain the world spiritually. We can talk all day about what really matters in life – – other people, love, kindness, compassion, the little things we normally take for granted – – but until we actually experience real loss, real suffering, these truths are merely platitudes. Tragedy etches them on to your soul forever.<br /><br />Surviving a tragedy puts life in a whole new perspective. Struggling to overcome and helping others do the same gives a person purpose and meaning. People who are once depressed or apathetic, may now feel more alive than ever before. Some of the best feelings we can experience are helping someone else in need in of receiving help from someone, and tragedies offer plenty of opportunities to experience both. It is a paradox of sorts that even after losing your suffering so much, one can still feel so much gratitude – – for the kindness of strangers, for drink of water, for just being alive.<br /><br />It's during such tragedies, it seems, when the best in people comes out, or at least has the opportunity to express itself. We are all good people who want to do what's right, even the most seemingly selfish and mean spirited among us. Given the right opportunity, everyone has something to offer and delights in doing so. With tragedies such as natural disasters affecting so many people at once, there are always many examples of courage, selflessness and heroism. More than we know go unnoticed. The "smaller", more personal tragedy of prison also offers many opportunities to be of help somehow, often taking just as much courage and selflessness.<br /><br />Most people in prison – – especially the new ones – – are suffering greatly. Even the smallest act of kindness is appreciated. For the most part, inmates do their best to look out for one another. Someone is hungry and needs a Ramen noodle soup, he'll get it; if someone needs toothpaste or a pair shower sandals, folks will chip in to buy them for him; if someone needs help with legal work, someone will step up to help him out. I seen tremendous acts of generosity and hear most often from those who have the least to give. Oftentimes what's needed is simply someone to listen, someone to understand and relate. A smile and a " hello" go along way no matter where you are.<br /><br />Just as experiencing a natural disaster may bring the community together, sharing the pain and suffering, and working together to overcome it all, we in prison also share a common bond. The prison experience has brought us together, for better or for worse. In prison you must meet a lot of people over the years, and for some, it may be the first time they've ever had so many friends. Regardless of our differences, we have to get through this together.<br /><br />Speaking of which, tragedies can be unparalleled opportunities to expand one's horizons and grow personally. For example, in no other situation would I be able to force to deal with so many different types of people who I normally wouldn't have anything to do with, in such a close space, and have to get along. And you <strong>have</strong> to interact; there is no such thing as a moment of privacy in here. Him him In doing so, I've been forced to look at myself – – my prejudices, intolerances, pre-conceptions, attitudes, ideals, – – and how we relate to others in the world in general. I've gained a great deal of humility over the past 10 years. And I discovered a strength of character and integrity I never knew I had. As difficult as life in prison has been, I'm a much better person because of it.<br /><br />Like a survivor of some natural disaster, I'm grateful for simply being alive. I'm grateful for the smallest kindness. I now truly understand and appreciate what really matters in life. I take nothing for granted. I wish to make up for the mistakes in my past to make to make the most of my future. My time in prison is actually been a blessing. The real tragedy would be not receiving a second chance at life.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color:#33cc00;">"Pray hard, as if everything depended on God. Work hard </span><span style="color:#33cc00;">as if everything depended on you."</span><br /></div></div><div align="left"><span style="color:#33cc00;"></span></div><br /><div align="left">I know there are so many thousands of people hurting right now, having experienced a tragedy of some kind. I feel for them; I can relate. But how could I help, even if I wasn't in prison? Sometimes the best thing we can do is share what we have learned from our experience. In that case, I can advise them with 100% confidence that what they are going through right now will only make them stronger and better in the end. If they hold on; if they persevere. They've got to keep on keeping on, if not for themselves than for the people who are counting on them or who may need their help someday.<br /><br />We are all on Earth to learn and grow through experience. And we don't learn and grow much by doing the 9-to-5, coming home and watching TV thing. No one has ever attained enlightenment during an easy and comfortable life. Tragedy stir things up and force us to take stock of our lives and get our priorities straight. Losing everything (or just a lot) may be the most painful thing you've ever experienced, but it may have been necessary to put your focus back on what's really important in life: not material things but other people, love, compassion. I know how much it hurts, how difficult it is to cope with loss; but it really will make you a better person as you struggle to get through it all. And you <strong>will</strong> make it through, eventually, though it may take the rest of your life – – which is okay, since it's the reason we're here after all. Plus, you're likely to be happier than you ever were before, having experienced what you have.<br /><br />Also, tragedy offers an opportunity to search deep within ourselves and discover what we are truly made of, which is a Divine Spirit. These are the moments when our Higher Selves – – God – – can empower us to achieve anything we put our minds to. Have faith that you do have the strength and ability to carry on and overcome. Meditate and pray. Quiet your troubled mind and listen to the voice within to find the answers and guidance. It's always there. Sometimes it takes turmoil and tragedy to make us aware of our true, Divine Nature; and that makes any suffering worth it in the end.<br /><br />Well, so much for advice from a convict. I wish I could do more than offer these words of wisdom. Please read the books listed on my website, <strong><a href="http://www.mysticministries.org/"></a></strong><a href="http://www.MysticMinistries.org"><strong>MysticMinistries.org</strong></a><strong>.</strong> I believe they can really help everyone.<br /><br />Thanks for listening and caring. Bye for now.<br /><br />– – Eric</div><br /><div align="left"></div>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-37067688436960586802011-04-10T10:12:00.000-07:002011-04-10T20:07:02.124-07:00Volunteers Wanted<blockquote></blockquote><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">"Hands that help are holier than hands that pray"<br /></div><blockquote></blockquote><blockquote></blockquote><p></p><p>I got the cell to myself for a weekend. My current cellie is it Kairos, a four-day Christian retreat, held in the prison's gymnasium. Kairos is Greek for "the right moment." It's a nationwide program (Kairosprisonministry.org). It's a good thing. I went through it myself six years ago at my previous unit. The waiting list is many years long. Many inmates may initially sign up only for the food which is home cooked and brought in by the truckloads by ministry volunteers. Everyone who attends comes away with so much more-- refreshed, inspired and often changed. It's a powerful experience regardless of one's faith. The food is incredible – – all the stuff we've only been able to dream about for years since our arrest: fruit, homemade cookies and pies, real hamburgers, real chicken, catfish, pizza and even a ribeye steak cooked to perfection. Prisoners are encouraged to go back for seconds and thirds because the volunteers know that this may be last time any of us will ever see such delicacies. But the real treat is all the free world folks who participate over the weekend, and volunteer themselves. After so many years of being mistreated by prison guards and staff as the scum of the earth, here are group of sincere, caring people who did their best to reach out and show their unconditional love for you. Iheir eyes you are one of God's children you are forgiven. It's palpable, you can feel how much they really do care about you, about you as an individual, and it touches your soul. It breaks down the most hardened heart; by the end of the retreat, everyone has cried at least once, even the biggest and baddest among us. There's a lot of sharing of stories. Inmates are asked to stand and talk about how God has come into their lives or how they have been changed since being incarcerated. Best, though, are the Kairos volunteers who come to give their own testimonies .Some are recovered drug addicts and alcoholics who describe a road to hell many of us are familiar with and how they were saved by the people and the power of love they discovered in the church. Some are former prison inmates who can relate to what we're going through and offer advice. I'll never forget the volunteer who told us about the murder of his wife and the rage it filled him with for so long. He intentionally got himself locked up in the County jail to find and kill the man arrested for the crime. Later, on an intentional drug charge, he went to prison bent on the same mission. Word of his plan got out he was incarcerated far from his wife's killer. Once he was released, he eventually sought solice in the church where he was counseled to contemplate forgiveness, something he never thought he could do. But he eventually did. Later he even visited the man in prison to tell him so. His message to us was that we need to forgive everyone and everything we believe has done us wrong in order for us to get over it and move on. That we cannot progress spiritually until we have real forgiveness in our hearts. His talk had a profound effect on everyone. Being able to endure such a trial and transformation and then be able to talk about it is a real service to mankind. The most touching moment during the retreat, I'd say, was on the third day when everyone returns from a church service to find a large paper sack with their name on it at their assigned seat. The sack is filled with dozens of cards and letters written to them personally by Kairos volunteers and children in Bible school, telling them that they are loved, that God loves them and that everything will be okay. From the kids we are also colorful crayon pictures with their names and ages. We were given about an hour to go through them all. For those inmates with their own children in the free world, it was an especially poignant moment, but everyone shed buckets of tears. The letters are always kept to be read over and over again. Remember: for the past many years, we spent each and every day being degraded ,humiliated and hated and verbally (sometimes physically) abused. To be reminded of the goodness of people like this and to think that someone may actually care about us is almost too much to handle. By the time we've went to Kairos, we had become institutionalized: we basically had forgotten what the free world was like and that such kind and loving people exist. It was a shock to the system. Such an emotional experience that most of us could not even talk about it afterwards. We were left in a daze, changed for a time, if not forever. There is a lot of positive, constructive stuff that goes on in Kairos, of course. Being an evangelical Christian organization, the focus is on the Bible and accepting Jesus as your Savior. At some point, each inmate is counseled privately and encouraged to be baptized as a Christian. This was the only thing I had a hard time with, myself, but was happy to see the fire and brimstone condemnation kept to a minimum. During my own counseling session we had a mini debate about the validity and significance of the crucifixion, which I think unfortunately eclipses Christ teachings. Needless to say, it didn't go over so well and I felt bad for the guy: he really wanted to convert me and save a soul. I hope he realizes how much the Kairos retreat did help me at the time, regardless.</p><p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">"There is a dark night to which the soul passes in order to attain the divine light." --St. John of the Cross</p><p>On a morning in August of 2005, four years after my arrest, I received notice that my writ of habeas corpus, my most important appeal, had been denied. Any chance for a resentencing hearing and a fair sentence had been riding on this appeal. A federal appeal was the next step, but the arguments would be the same. I no longer had any hope and certainly no faith. I felt that there was no way I could endure another 21+ of this man-made hell before I finally qualified for parole. So I decided to end my life. Death was infinitely better than the alternative. I laid on my bunk with a razor blade in one hand and feeling for the pulse in my neck with the other. I tried to make peace with what I was doing. I said my goodbyes to Mom and the world at large. After some time, I was finally ready and I visualized making a deep cut to get it over with in one smooth motion. Just before I sent the signal to my hand, the cell door opened and an inmate stood there excitedly: "Hurry up, man, they're doing Kairos! They didn't pass out lay-ins last night. Were on the list, were going! I'm getting everybody over here. Let's go!" He ran off and I laid there for a long moment. I had put myself into a trancelike state and was a little out of it. I still had a firm grip on the razor blade. I thought," Who cares, who needs it. I had forgotten ever signing up for it years before. I was upset that I had been interrupted .I would have to start the lengthy process all over again. But then I recalled all ths stories about the amazing food to be had Kairos and I figured this would actually be a fine way to go: my last meal, as it were. So I hesitatingly, reluctantly. Left for the first day of Kairos.Did Kairos save my life? Was it Divine intervention? Hard to say. All I know is that if that cell door had rolled one second later, I would be history – – and that guy who came to get me would've been faced with a very troublesome scene. Thank God for the both of us. Over the next few days, something changed in me. Seeing all those wonderful people from the free world and how selfless they seemed was an inspiration. As I said before, in prison it's easy to forget the goodness in the world, and these "Saints" were a reminder. If they could go out of their way to help others, so could I. If they could overcome obstacles and tragedy in their lives, I could to. By the end of the weekend, I decided that committing suicide was a pretty selfish act and that as difficult as life in prison might be, rather than live for myself, I could live for other people – – maybe my fellow inmates. Following the Kairos retreat, although I didn't become baptized, I did begin studying everything I could to do with theology and spirituality. I felt there might be something to all this religious hocus-pocus. I wanted to learn not just about Christianity but about all the world's religions. And thanks to my mother's love and generosity, I could study a great deal over the years. One good book's bibliography would invariably lead to many others. Any book I requested no matter how obscure, she would send me. And I'm forever grateful, as she knows. These days, I'm into "Ramtha" material which I consider my "graduate" work. Super highly recommended; really neat stuff. (Ramptha.com) I've learned so much since then. I feel that all my big theological questions have been answered. I've gained tremendous insight into the true nature of reality ie. The meaning of life. I know without a doubt that we are all spiritual beings having a physical adventure here on earth. I'm no longer afraid of death but moreI'm no longer for life, no matter what or may be. I wish everyone could know what I no one have the pieces self-assurance that comes with it. I feel that the best way can help others to stay share my favorite books and what I've learned. So to do what I can from this prison cell, there is mistake meant industries.org. Please visit and please spread the word. And be sure to read the books! "Teach people to teach people." There are a variety of prison ministries that do what they can, usually offering Bible studies and religious publication; but Karros is the only one that says has such an obvious impact. They seem to be the only people who actually come into the prisons here in Texas, and that may be the case nationwide. Their volunteers make an effort to visit at least once a month, meeting with inmates who have previously gone through the retreat. If evangelical Christianity isn't your thing, then you're out of luck, but there are a large number of prisoners they do help and it's great just to see some friendly free world folks wandering around once in a while. I wish there were other religious organizations – – other face – – who visited us in prison, and there probably are in the northern, more enlightened states. Anyone who comes here to share their light and love is greatly appreciated, and they can be guaranteed a large receptive audience. Prisoners are starving for such contact, and most of us have a real interest in learning about spirituality and how can help us become better people. Learning anything for that matter. Unfortunately, the sad fact is that prisoners are Aren't high up on anybody's priority list. After all, were exiled and dams; people are afraid of us. Not to mention the walking into prison voluntarily is not something many sane people ever consider doing. Those who do are performing a real service not only for inlet mates but their effect but for their community and society in general Due to state budget cuts, Texas is losing all of its prison chaplains, which is understandable, I suppose. Any religious service/programs will have to be conducted by free world volunteers. Most of prison systems educational programs are also suing history. However, people in prison need teachers, especially spiritual teachers. Any volunteers? Thanks, as always for listening and caring. Bye for now – – Eric</p>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-83764839997579906892011-03-22T19:25:00.001-07:002011-03-23T04:53:11.786-07:00PRISON PICASSOS<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">"Passion motivates more than money."<br /></div><br />Right now there's one thing that keeps me going in here more than anything else, and that's the unit's craft shop. I am fortunate to be there. Out of the 3000 or so inmates, only 48 are granted this privilege. The waiting list is long and it takes at least a year to rise to the top (most get scratched for disciplinary cases). Getting my name on that list was the very first thing that I did when I was transferred to this unit two years ago (on my last unit, Coffield, the craft shop, like the library, existed in name only). Craft shop hours are 11:30 to 5:30 Tuesday through Friday and 7:30 to 2:30 on Saturday, when it's open. Some inmates have jobs that prevent them from attending very often, but most of us spend every hour we can there "piddling" away, as they call it. It's definitely the best thing going in prison, and it makes all the difference in my life these days. Thank God.<br /><br />There are five categories of craft shop "trades": leather work, wood work, metalwork, jewelry making, and "art", the catchall group of which there are only five of us. The other artists do some pretty impressive portrait work. I do quote contemporary art, painting on wood, canvas, and fabric. I've been an artist forever. I love mixing mediums and experimenting with different techniques to get unusual effects. For a while, I was doing pieces for all the various religious symbols of the world, and that's still going, but I'm taking a break from painting to make a large chess set out of clay. The board is finished and looks awesome, but the pieces are giving me trouble. Still, it gets quote "ooohs and aaah" s from everyone who walks by, which makes me feel good. I've always wanted to make my own chess set for some reason and was once carving one in the free world (the pieces kept disappearing over the years). The theme for this one is "East versus West", Christian monks versus Hindo yogis. Instead of Queens, the most powerful pieces are Christ and Krishna. And instead of Kings to capture, there's a cross and a caduceus (the medical staff with wings and twining snakes that initially represented the spine, it's energy channels, and enlightenment). Pretty cool, huh? We'll see how it goes. I'll paint the pieces when they're ready. Down the road, I'd like to geto into silk painting and make some large wall hangings.<br /><br />I wouldn't be able to do any of this without the financial support for my mother. I'm so blessed and so thankful to have her out there for me. Everything I make goes to her to save or to as gifts. Most everyone in the craft shop sells what they make to support their craft. Prison staff seem to be the biggest customers. The guards get all the leather utility stuff – gun holsters, billy club holders, teargas canister holders, handcuff holders, etc. – Costs is at least half of what they pay outside the prison. The jewelry makers make nametags, rings, and things for the staff, and the metalworkers make fancy badges. The woodworkers do a lot of neat, small projects and mostly make clocks and plaques. The prices for everything usually just cover the cost for materials and enough to keep them in supplies. No one's getting rich, that's for sure. Anything not sold to unit staff gets picked up from visitors or sent home to be sold somehow, maybe on eBay.<br /><br />But not all the prison artists are in the craft shop; they're talented artists all over the farm. However, the only art supplies allowed in cells are drawing boards, colored pencil, and worthless watercolors sold in the commissary along with the usual pens and pencils. Many inmates make greeting cards to sell. Those who put in the time and do good wor and k come up with something new and different, like pop-up cards, can stay busy all the time. A basic card goes for $.50 (two Ramen noodle soups). A special one can fetch up to a dollar (a bag of coffee). Another "hustle" for artists is portrait work done in pencil or pen. Some of these guys are amazing, taking a small photo and blowing it up into a perfect likeness of a loved one in any setting you want. A really good 8 x 10 portrait can go for $10 or more.<br /><br />There are some extremely talented people in prison. The best artists are Hispanic. They have their own distinctive style unique to that culture; it's hard to describe, but you definitely recognize it when you see it. Much of it is "barrio art", art reflecting life on the streets and Mexican gang culture. There are a lot of Aztec themes reflecting their heritage. And the women! They can draw some beautiful women. There are way fewer white artists around and fewer who are black. In a prison system that at least 70s percent, we only have two in the craft shop. It's more a matter of culture than economics, I believe. In 10 years, I've never seen a black inmate make greeting card or anything outside the craft shop. The Mexicans definitely have a monopoly.<br /><br />However believe it or not, making and selling cards or other artwork to other inmates is illegal within the System. It's considered "trafficking and trading". True story. Officially, were not even permitted to give or loan each other soups or other commissary items the same reason. The Law know it's going on and generally look the other way, but it's just another example of the asinine rules we have to live with here. But creating artwork from your cell and selling it in the free world is not tolerated. Inmate artists who wish to support themselves this way are out of luck and in big trouble if the administration finds out about it. Supposedly, it's possible to obtain special note permission to sell artwork from your cell, but I've never met anyone who's had success getting it. Oh, well.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">"Give me a man who sings at his work." – – Thomas Carlyle</span><br /></div><br />The ones who are in most demand on any unit are the tattoo artists. Someone who knows what he's doing is always busy and always has plenty ofd food in his locke. But it's not for the meek, because tattooing is illegal throughout the system. Plus it takes a bit of mechanical know how to put a tattoo gun together: the copper wire comes from cannibalized fan motors, the magnets from radio headphones, empty pen tubes are everywhere, screws and other bits of metal can be got from a buddy or a friend of a friend who works in maintenance, and good needles can come from a wire brush; but being able to create a working machine from it all takes some skill. You can hotwire to a radio or attach an electrical cord to plug it in (preferred). Genuine India ink can be obtained from guards or made in the cell by burning baby oil with a wick underneath the bunk or toilet and collecting the black soot that builds up. Inferior homemade ink turns blue/gray and fades quickly over time, but if done right it works like the real thing. The best artists don't settle for anything but the best.<br /><br />Priso and tattoos go hand-in-hand, it seems. Getting a jailhouse tattoo is a rite of passage of sorts. I have my share. Of cours, you have to be careful not to get hepatitis or any other infectious disease. You have to make absolutely sure that the needles and ink are solely your own. The artist has to be reputable and of good character – not an option sometimes, and that's where people get themselves in trouble. Staph infection is another common problem . So, all in all, getting a tattoo in jail or prison isn't such a great idea. But if you're extremely careful, it can be as safe is in the free world.<br /><br />A lot of guys go in for gang related tats. Some are pretty extreme, especially when they're on the face. Plenty of inmates have teardrops at the corner of one eye, one for each time they've been locked up. There "full sleeves", designs covering the entire, "half sleeves" covering only the upper arm; "back pieces" usually one elaborate design covering the whole back; " chest plates" covering the chest, and of course, ones for everywhere else. "Nametags" are last names or street names in big fancy script over the back and shoulders or the stomach. Naked women tats are popular. Ditto for skulls and religious icons. As you'd expect, some artwork is pretty gaudy and some is spectacular.<br /><br />Beforee I was incarcerated I had a dragon on the shoulder – the first when I was 18 at the Sturgis bike rally; back when I rode a Harley look-alike. Each of the four tattoos I've gotten in here has special meaning for me. I drew them all myself. On one ankle is the Vedic "Om" symbol of the universal vibration/sound of the Divine Source of All That Is. On the other ankle is a secret society symbol representing for me the quest for the Truth with a capital "T ". On the back of my head, seen only when my head is shaved, is a tribal looking lotus blossom symbolizing spiritual awakening/enlightenment. Then, covering my chest, is an ancient Zoroastrian symbol of a circle/star with wings representing the soul's upward progress through good thoughts, words, and deeds. That's it. I'm done.<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">"A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."<br /></div><br /><br />Being able to do artwork in prison, especially in the craft shop, is wonderful,With so much time on our hands, it's a great way to keep busy. And it's important. Art therapy is proven effective in helping people and in rehabilitating inmates. I believe that being creative is our natural drive as spiritual beings and what we're all meant to do on Earth. It gives us purpose and meaning in life. It allows us to express ourselves. It's enjoyable, it's meditative, it's soothing and at the same time exciting. For me, creating artwork is essential. Being in the craft shop now helps make this prison experience bearable.<br /><br />Unfortunately, some people don't want prisoners to be happy. They'd like to see things like the craft shop shut down. If they had their way, we'd all be chained to the walls and beaten with sticks. What they forget or fail to consider is that the vast majority of prisoners are released back into society. Would you rather have an angry, traumatized, depressed cretin on the streets or someone who's been changed, who became a better person, is happy and positive about life? Every little thing that you can do to help improve a person should be utilized in prison. The intellectual focus on incarceration should not be on punishment so much as rehabilitation. There's enough suffering in prison as it is. Allowing and encouraging prisoners to develop their latent talents and creativity – to write, to draw, to paint, to play musical instruments – helps them heal and grow and get their hearts and minds right. Everyone going into prison should come out new and improved and art can play a big part in that.<br /><br />With the upcoming budget cuts here in Texas, were losing almost every education and reintegration program. Whether we also lose the craft shop remains to be seen.<br /><br />Thanks as always for listening and caring. Please visit my website mysticministry.org and send me an e-mail. Bye for now.<br /><br />– EricEric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-8988483611888650382011-02-12T12:38:00.000-08:002011-02-21T07:19:21.763-08:00A Little Help-and Jethro<p align="left"> </p><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">"We are all teachers, and what we teach we learn, and so we teach it over and over again until we learn." – – From "A Course in Miracles"
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<br /></span>There are always new people coming to prison, people of all different types and backgrounds. Some have been locked up many times before or have spent their entire lives on the street, in the "hood", and are already wise to the dog – eat – dog ways of prison. These are generally gang members and they tend to take care of (as much as take advantage of) one another. But many new to prison have never been in trouble with the law before and are essentially just regular, albeit troubled, people and totally naïve when it comes to the jungle of life inside. These folks are easy targets for the predatory gangster culture, especially if they have any financial support from home. It's up to those of us who have been in here for a while to school these news guys and help them out of trouble as much as possible.
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<br />And there's a lot to learn. Prison is a whole different world with its own set of customs and rules. What follows is my advice to anyone just entering prison for the first time.
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<br />Rule 1: don't talk; listen. People who are scared and anxious tend to talk a lot to cover up their fear and insecurities, and they don't realize that they're just putting their nervousness and ignorance on display. As much as you might want to persuade others how unafraid – – how tough, how smart – – you are; as much as you want to discuss your court case and how badly you were screwed over; as much as you want to share your troubles and bitch and moan; as much as you can't wait to tell someone your life story; keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to hear it. You're new. Nobody cares about what you have to say – – they care about how you act. Which brings us to…
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<br />Rule 2 and, perhaps, the most important one of all: keep your cool. No matter how crazy others may behave and how chaotic your surroundings may become, remain calm. Try your best not to let things bother you; and believe me, it's<strong> all</strong> going to bother you at first. Do your best not to react with violence when provoked; and you <strong>will</strong> be provoked. Some guys will want to "check your papers" to see what you're made of. Depending on how you handle this, you may have to fight every day for months, or you'll be left in peace. Be brave and show no fear. Fear and weakness are what they want to see. Remember that words can't hurt you. But if your hit or pushed, you have to fight back. There's no running away in here, and if you don't fight back – –if you don't show some backbone, some character – –you'll be labeled a coward and a punk and your time in prison will only be that much harder. But fighting should always be a last resort, of course. Keeping your cool at all times will also keep the peace
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<br />Rule 3: be friendly, but not too damn friendly. The vast majority of us coming to prison are actually good, decent people despite our crimes, which were usually a result of us losing our minds for a time. So, to be a nice person is just second nature. But there are also many in here who take kindness for weakness and who will try to take advantage of you. It may start with "borrowing" your commissary items, but soon they'll be hitting you up on a regular basis, taking as much as they can get. And new guys are often too intimidated to just say no. As much as it may go against your natural inclination to be kind and generous, you need to be aware that not everyone is as honest and trustworthy as yourself and that is important to set boundaries and limits to how much you can give. Basically, don't be a chump.
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<br />Rule 4: don't let prison or your crime define who you are. You may have made a colossal mistake, or series of them. But you're not a bad person. Don't let the constant belittling and humiliation by the guards and others within the System bring you down or make you as unforgiving and hateful as they are. Don't get so caught up in the prison lifestyle that you became come so institutionalized that you can't function – – or don't want to function – – in the free world someday. Try not to let depression get the better of you (easier said than done). Your life is not over. Though you may not be happy, you can still learn and grow a lot in prison, and that is the whole point of our earthly existence, after all. Definitely feel remorse for your crimes but don't dwell on it to the point where you don't allow yourself to learn from your mistakes and move on. You may have been an idiot for a moment or an asshole for quite a while, but that is not who you really are and you know it. You can still become the person you want be; you can still become proud of the person you are now, regardless of who you were then.
<br />Which brings us to another Piece of Advice… </p><p align="left">Rule 5: make the most of your time in here. Think of it as an opportunity to get your heart and mind right. At first you're going to be spending <strong>a lot</strong> of time reflecting on your life, remembering every good thing your now missing and every mistake you've ever made, no matter how small. Use this process to learn how you could've made better choices and decisions, but try not to beat yourself up too badly over it all (again, easier said than done). Think about how you're going to live your life differently once you're freed someday. Educate yourself. Regardless of whether there are any educational or vocational programs offered at your unit ( or not due to the state's budget crisis), there are plenty of other ways to expand your mind. Visit the library as much as possible if you have one. Get your hands on some of the many books newspapers, and magazines floating around your living area. If you're blessed with support from family and friends, request that they send books on things like history, science, philosophy, and anything else you'd like to learn about. Study spirituality: believe it or not, there really is a Divine Reality, and we really are all spiritual beings having a physical experience on Earth; and the verifiable proof of this can be found in many excellent books (see my book <a href="http://www.mysticministries.org/books.html">HERE</a>). Learn to meditate. Get in shape: start an exercise routine, do yoga, try fasting.
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<br />For those of us who essentially have life sentences and who may very well end up dying in here, and who may feel they have no reason or incentive to better themselves as they'll probably never again be part of society, all I can say is "do it for yourself." For example, I may no longer be able to live life as it's meant to be lived, but I can prepare for my eventual death by getting my heart and mind right for God, so to speak. The daily challenges thrown at us by prison life are perfect for practicing forgiveness and loving kindness. The abundance of "free" time we enjoy is perfect for spending in contemplation and meditation. Where countless people in the free world are caught up in the struggles for survival or the materialism of the rat race, we in prison can devote our lives to learning and growing spiritually; and in that we are the fortunate ones.
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<br />Those are the main points I try to get across. Plus, of course, there's plenty of advice on just dealing with the daily life of prison. "Etiquette" is always a big deal where you have so many people crammed into such a small place. And there are all sorts of pointers for getting along with the other person in a 6 x 9' cell like (flush, flush, flush!). Not to mention the little convict tricks like lighting a smoke using pencil leds and an electric outlet, or how to build a tattoo gun out of a radio, or how to make a gourmet meal with Ramen noodles. Like I said, it's a different world and a whole insane new way of life for many people just entering the System.
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<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"> "We are all on earth to help others. What the others are here for </span></a></p><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"><a> I have no idea"</a></span></p><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"><a> </a></span><a>My good buddy Jethro is a big, strapping guy and not someone you'd like to get in a tussle with. He is serving a 20 year sentence for beating a man to death. But he's also one of the nicest people you'd ever care to meet. Despite his predicament, he's always quick with a smile and a friendly comment for everyone; and he makes a practice of defending those inmates unable to defend themselves.
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<br />For instance, the other day, it was brought to his attention that a feeble, 75-year-old man new to prison was being taken advantage of by a few bad characters. This poor guy was regularly intimidated into giving away the contents of his locker whenever he went to the commissary. Though I doubt that those thugs would've actually beat him up, I would not put it past them, and the threat was enough. So, at some considerable risk to himself, Jethro stepped in and confronted them. Of course, being a big guy and an experienced fighter make this easier to do, but anyone who's been in here long enough knows full well that in a three on one fight the biggest and baddest can get their ass kicked pretty severely.
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<br />After first trying to reason with them failed, he tried shaming them: "Look at you tough guys picking on a little old man!" And when that didn't work, he told them "Look, I have no choice. I can't stand by and just watch you treat this poor guy like this. If you won't leave him alone, I'm going to have to beat the hell out of all of you. And then you'll really be ashamed of yourself. What do you say? I'm ready to do this right now. Are you?" He knew, and they knew, that he most likely would be on the losing end of that battle, but his courage and strength of character impressed them enough to not only back off but to give the old man much of his commissary items back.
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<br />This isn't the only time Jethro has come to the rescue of another inmate in such a situation. He is a regular champion for the weak and defenseless in prison. But it's not something he brags about or that many people know about. What's more admirable to me is that he never just throws his weight around, although he could, but instead always does his best to first talk the problem through. Only once has it ever come to blows: he didn't do so well but it did the trick.
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<br />Despite his horrible crime (committed while out of his mind on drugs and alcohol), I'm happy to call him my friend.
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<br />Thanks again, as always, for listening and caring. Bye for now.
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<br />– – Eric</a></p>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-19694306171273371102011-01-16T14:13:00.000-08:002011-02-21T07:22:30.117-08:00A Life-Changing Read<p align="center">"<span style="color:#330099;">The best mind altering drug is the truth." – Lily Tomlin</span></p><br /><p align="left">I believe that the book"Journey of Souls" by Michael Newton should be read by everyone in prison. It was this book more than any other that first opened my eyes to the spiritual reality that exists for us all. And I believe that anyone else who reads it and takes its message to heart is not likely to commit any further crime. Nor are they likely to continue abusing drugs and alcohol (once the physical addiction is treated, of course). In fact, I feel that everyone in the world should read this book, translated into their own language. With this knowledge applied, especially by the politicians, rulers and community leaders of each country, we could see an end of violence and war and to greed and disparity that exists between the richest and poorest of us. In short, the information within "Journey of Souls" and other books like it holds the answer to all of life's problems.<br /><br />The authors of these books are psychiatrists and doctors who, for careers often spanning 20 years or more, have regressed several thousand of their clients into the past to remember and reexperience events that may help them now. By reliving a past traumatic event, for instance, a person can usually get over phobias or other issues relating to it. Regression is something every psychiatrist learns in school and its veracity and effectiveness have been proven over the years. Regression is done with the client in a trance state induced through deep hypnosis in order to better access memories within the subconscious mind. Everything a person experiences in life is recorded in the subconscious, so even the most minor details can be recalled. When a person is regressed to the age of seven, they will be seven again and will relate what they are seeing, feeling, and experiencing as if they were that age again. It's universally acknowledged that people can be regressed as far back as their birth and described even this event accurately.<br /><br />What is not so universally accepted, but for which there is more than ample evidence, is the fact that people can be regressed even further – into past lives. This came as a shock to many of the therapists and researchers who make past life regression the focus of their work today. Like most people raised under certain religions, they had no concept or belief in the cycle of birth and death or reincarnation. But the reality of it was demonstrated to them over and over again throughout the years. And today many of these outstanding professionals are sharing what they've learned by writing books on the subject, including in them verbatim transcripts of past life regression sessions (see my book <a href="http://www.mysticministries.org/books.html">HERE</a>.) There are practitioners all over the world who specialize in this work.<br /><br />However, it isn't the study of past lives so much as the life between lives that gives us the most insight into the true nature of our existence as spiritual beings. This is usually done done by taking someone to the scene of their death in their most recent past life, then following them into "heaven" or the " spirit" world. Regardless of a person's religion or beliefs, everyone – without exception – reports essentially the same experiences. Without going into all the details here, I'll summarize what occurs: we leave our physical bodies as conscious and aware as when we were alive and then, unless we have errands or issues to deal with first or unhealthy attachments that keep us here, we are drawn into another dimension of spiritual reality; there we are soon met by a " guide" and other fellow spirits who shower us with love and who we recognize as having known before; we are also reunited with a personal spirit "family" we have shared many lies with us on Earth, learning and growing together; we visit a great library and attend classes where we restudy all of our previous lives and prepare for the next; we meet with a council of elders who help us evaluate our progress and with their guidance we choose our next life on earth which is intended to further our spiritual evolution; and then we are sent back into her new physical body within our mothers womb. Again, regardless of a person's religious beliefs or lack thereof, they <strong><em>all </em></strong>report the same basic steps.<br /><br />The most important aspect, I believe, of people's reports from the spirit world is what they all say is the meaning of our lives here on earth: that essentially, Life the school and Love is the lesson. We are apparently all here to learn and grow through experience and by interacting with one another. Lessons are repeated until learned. The ultimate goal for each of us is to eventually make Love the basis of our every thought, word and deed. Love and Divine Light are what we are made of and who we really are as eternal, spiritual beings, and our mission is to let that light shine on Earth against the dark forces of evil such as selfishness, greed, anger, hatred, etc. Evil, however, is really just ignorance ,error or insanity more than anything else. Each and every one of us is pure and good at the core. Religious dogma that says we are " born in sin" simply means that we come to earth ignorant of our spiritual nature. Another important message that comes through is that no matter how badly we've screwed up in life, we can always make amends and become the person we're intended to be.<br /><br /><span style="color:#009900;">"Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind." – Albert Einstein<br /></span><br />Unfortunately, some people automatically dismiss all this as nonsense without really looking into it. They may adamantly refuse to believe in the divine realm because it isn't mentioned in their science textbooks. Or they may say that because it isn't written in a holy book it just can't be true. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but look at what these beliefs have done and are doing to the world: we have Christians and Muslims constantly at war with each other and themselves; atheists and agnostics living for this one life alone, focused on power, material gain,"survival of the fittest"; and people of many different faiths polluting the environment without concern for the consequences to further generations. Secular humanists might say that as long as you're a good person you don't need spirituality, but that is just ignoring the reality of the situation. The facts cannot be denied.<br /><br />I hate to say it, that but I think many people are just too lazy or apathetic to study up on the matter. It's either that or they're too afraid of being proven wrong for all these years – that their hard held beliefs are really only myths, fables and unproven theories. Some people get defensive or angry angry when questioned about their beliefs, because in fact they don't really know the truth and their egos are threatened. Fortunately, it <em><strong>is</strong></em> possible for anyone to know for certain by personally experiencing themselves as spiritual beings through deep hypnosis and other methods. Once this occurs, there can be no doubt whatsoever. And it's as easy as kicking back in a comfortable chair and letting a professional guide you through the process. (Visit Spiritual Regression.org to find practitioners near you as well as the Munro Institute.com for their unique approach.) </p><br /><p align="left"><br /><span style="color:#990000;">"It is far better to become your truth and to speak it."<br /><br /></span>I'll admit that I'm a book pusher here in prison and probably as annoying as a Hare Krishna in the airport or a Jehovah's Witness at your front door. I keep a whole library of spiritual books on hand to share and give away. I prefer to recommend books over preaching, but I'm guilty of getting up on my soapbox from time to time and expounding upon karma, suffering and the wonders of the spirit world. If I could be allowed to hold my own mystical "church" services, I do it in a heartbeat. I see so many of my fellow prisoners seeking the answer to life's mysteries and not finding them in conventional church teachings or the available Christian and Muslim literature. So, when I can, I pass out copies of "Journey of Souls".<br /><br />Imagine if every prison inmate in the country became enlightened as to their true nature as divine, spiritual beings. I witnessed the toughest of the tough and the baddest of the bad undergo complete change of heart and attitude adjustment towards life because of what they've learned in "Journey of the Souls". I have a had the opportunity to help a few of my cell mates personally experience the divine realm through guided meditation, or hypnosis and they enthusiastically tell me how the experience changed their life for the better. I am 110% convinced that past life therapy and spiritual regression is the cure for addiction, depression and deviant behavior which all go hand-in-hand. Helping someone to understand who they really are in their purpose and meaning in life makes all the difference in the world. Instead of simply locking criminals way for years on end, we need to make an effort to permanently change their hearts and minds, and spiritual education – – is the key.<br /><br />Check out "Journey of Souls" by Michael Newton for yourself, then maybe donate few copies to your library as well as to some prisons and rehabilitation centers in your area. This book and your efforts have the power to make a real difference in someone's life.<br /><br />Thanks, as always, for listening and caring. Bye for now.<br /><br />– Eric </p>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-27646515917020828842010-11-24T16:59:00.000-08:002010-11-24T20:04:13.258-08:00The Cat Man<p align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"></span></p><br /><br /><br /><p align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#660000;"> "My greatest wish is to be the best person I can be – – and not know it."<br /></span><br />We call him Bobcat. Every semi-wild cat on the unit knows him by sight and knows his schedule. He's about the only person they let pet them and even hold them. Most all the cats and kittens have known him their entire lives, and he's always been their favorite human being. Because Bobcat feeds and cares for them all with passion.<br /><br />Prisoners who get no financial support from friends or family have to hustle to earn money in the form of commissary items – – soups, coffee, stamps, snacks – – or go without. They draw greeting cards, wash laundry, sell their psych drugs, steal food from the kitchen or bleach from the laundry, right legal writs, sell tobacco or weed or dip for the shock- collars, or do anything else they can to generate a little cash. Bobcat's hustle is doing laundry (mostly sheets which, like underwear, you're better off washing yourself in here), and the only currency he'll accept are one dollar pouches of tuna and mackerel, which of course, all go to the cats. He never hustles for himself.<br /><br />He does his best to make sure he has at least one serving a day for them, and he often has two. To help fill their bellies and make the most of each tuna pouch, he crumbles biscuits or cornbread snuck from the chow hall and mixes it in with the fish, adding just enough water to make it the perfect consistency. Sometimes he'll add cooked vegetables that he has carefully chopped up into many cat sized bites. And he makes sure there are always plenty of water dishes set around the unit. He has a lot of mouths to feed; he works hard for his kitties.<br /><br />It's a pretty amazing sight to see all these cats, who let no one else near them, come running when Bobcat calls. They climb all over him as he sits on the ground, letting him scratch behind their ears and along their spines while he checks them over for any injuries, which he dutifully does his best to treat. It's funny to see cats running around with bandaged legs and ears and know that it's Bobcat's work.<br /><br />And during the winter months or during any bad weather, Bobcat does his best to make sure the cats are warm and safe. He brings food to all their various dens throughout the unit and creates winter beds for them from borrowed blankets. In the spring he takes the blankets up again and freshens up the dens before birthing time. Though he's never been able to be present for the birth of a litter of kittens, you can be sure he's there to fuss over them as soon as possible. I imagine most every cat here has known Bobcat since they were just kittens. And because he has a life sentence without parole, he's bound to be here for their deaths as well. He told me that he's had a few cats come to him over the years and die in his arms.<br /><br />Bobcat doesn't really talk much. He's not a people person. He did sit down with me for a "interview" for this blog. Like most of us in prison, he was an alcoholic and drug addict, and he committed his crime – – a senseless murder – – while completely out of his mind on drugs. Like most of us, he is deeply remorseful for it. Not a day goes by, he says, when he doesn't regret his former life of drugs and alcohol and immorality. I can relate when he claims to have been possessed by an evil spirit when he killed his friend. Despite the severity of his crime, Bobcat is really good at heart, and I, for one, am certain that he's no longer a threat to society. He's been clean and sober for too many years now to ever go back to his old ways. Given another chance at life, he'd like to work for the Humane Society or an animal rescue center.<br /><br />Bobcat is a very spiritual person. Though he doesn't read much, he's read his Bible many times over the years. He carries the pocket-sized "At the Feet of the Master" from the Theosophical Society with him everywhere. Though he doesn't meditate per se, he prays and gives thanks to God throughout the day. Like most prisoners, he spends a lot of time reflecting on the person he once was and would like to be. Although he keeps to himself and doesn't care for many people in here and he doesn't enjoy smalltalk, he is a kind and caring person. Taking care of the unit's cats is his way of showing love and compassion and making a contribution.<br /><br />Many other inmates are also animal lovers and make donations to Bobcat's "ministry". Everyone makes sure that he's able to scrounge up enough for the daily fish and bread offering, either by giving him plenty of laundry to do or by anonymously leaving pouches of tuna and mackerel on his bunk. Some help him obtain blankets, bandages, and ointments and such. And some even make little cat toys for him to bring and play with the kittens. So it's really a collective effort to make sure the cats here are well taken care of. </span><span style="color:#000099;"><br /><br /></p><p align="left"><span style="color:#000000;"> "<span style="color:#6600cc;">Love and do what you will." – – St. Augustine<br /><br /></span><span style="color:#000000;">Some of the nicest people you could hope to meet are here in prison. Granted, there are some pretty horrible characters here but the vast majority are just average people who simply made a mistake or lost their way in life, usually the of drug and alcohol abuse. For some, their only crime was being an addict. Regardless of the crime, persons time in prison is an unparalleled opportunity to get their head on straight and their life back on track. It's a time to regain their sobriety and sanity. It's a time for m soul-searching and self-examination. It's a time to relive every mistake you every made, no matter how small, and feel remorse for each one. In short, prison can change a person forever and for better. </span></span></p><span style="color:#000000;"><span style="color:#000000;"><p align="left">As I've mentioned before, prison is a lot like a monastery, and many of us prison monks live lives of quiet contemplation, study, and prayer. To spend years like this, patiently living one day at a time, with humility and remorse, amdist hardships and trials, deeply affects a person forever. Though we may have once been extremely screwed up people, enough to get us locked up behind bars, we've changed. Redemption is real. The evidence for this is everywhere in here. Unfortunately, the discrepancy between this reality in the public's perception is huge, and not enough people from the outside world know enough or care enough to help free prisoners who no longer deserve or need to be punished. Instead, the genuinely good among us get lumped together with the bad. To people in the free world, <strong>anyone</strong> in prison must be a dangerous character.<br /><br />Contrary to how things are portrayed in TV and film, most everyone in here is pretty polite to one another. Though at first it may be only to avoid a fight or something, for those of us who have been here a for a while , it has become a demonstration of mutual respect and consideration. For the most part, fights are limited to inner – and inter – gang – related problems or are instigated by belligerent guards. As a general rule, prisoners don't want to cause any problems with anybody – – they just want to do their time and go home, if ever. It's the "lifers" – – the supposedly most dangerous and feared with nothing to lose – –who are usually the wisest and most easy-going among us all, resigned to their fate and doing what they can be the best people they can be under the circumstances.<br /><br />It's the younger inmates with too much energy to burn and not enough wisdom who act out and get into wrecks. I think everyone over 40 should get special consideration for parole, just because studies confirm that the older and wiser and more settled a person becomes, the less likely they are to commit crime. Unfortunately,I see too many guys in their 70s and older, who are obviously no longer a threat to anyone , walking/ shuffling around the unit. Most of these older inmates have been more than punished for their crimes and have earned a chance to spend their final days in freedom.<br /><br />But to release anyone early is politically unsound. What would the voters think? After all, it's important to be "tough on crime." "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime." And let's not forget, "Don't mess with Texas.". Our politicians and bureaucrats are afraid to release prisoners for fear of upsetting the public. However,I don't think they are giving people enough credit: they themselves may not have any idea what true empathy and compassion are, but the common man does; they themselves may only think in terms of popularity and electability, but the average citizen takes into consideration fairness and morality and common sense. It's a shame that not enough people can visit prisons and go behind the scenes of our justice system. If they did, they would come to learn that too many people are being imprisoned for far too long. They wouldn't be upset at all to see prisoners being granted early parole if they merited it. They may even begin actively campaigning for new sentencing and parole laws.<br /><br />Unfortunately, our politicians are not leaders,only followers. And , unfortunately too, the news and other media do their best to entertain/scare the hell out of people and shape public perception negatively regarding prison. Stories of good people being punished unjustly or who have redeemed themselves while in prison don't make the headlines. Maybe this blog will help shed some light on the subject. I hope to change the stereotypes of people in prison and remove the public fear of parolees . I also hope to raise both awareness of and empathy for people being punished excessively. There's really nothing worse than losing one's freedom. Like Bobcat, there are many thousands of us across the country who truly do deserve another chance at life and who want so badly to make a contribution to society rather than just rot away behind these walls and razor wire. And to maybe fall in love again before we die. We may not be the smartest bunch around, but our hearts and minds have been forever changed for the better. And we're counting on people like you to take notice.<br /><br />Thanks as always for listening and caring.<br /><br />– – Eric<br /></span><br /></span><br /></p></span>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-21994815598532243562010-11-24T16:44:00.000-08:002010-11-24T16:53:28.487-08:00Hey Mizz. GivensThis is a response to a comment to my last blog<br /><br />I can understand how you find it hard to believe that someone could get 50 years for their first offense where no one was hurt. All I can say is, "welcome to Texas." Please read "How I Got Here" for all the details. I'm glad you're amazed at my sentence, though – – it's one of the things I'm trying to bring attention to. Please join my letter writing campaign and spread the word. It sounds like you've had some negative experience with prisoners in the past. Understand that I'm not interested in money or visits, etc. I get plenty of love and support from my mom and a few friends. My family post the blogs and a good friend helped me put my website together: Mystic Ministries.org. Have you had a chance to visit the site? I'd love to get your feedback. Please fill free to e-mail me. My family forwards to me. You can also write me directly, if you wish, at my prison address.Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-13782384588157104572010-11-06T16:35:00.000-07:002010-11-09T05:02:29.849-08:00It's Time for Change<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 51);">"</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">Dissent is the highest form of patriotism."</span></p><div align="center"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">– – Thomas Jefferson</span><br /><br /></div>Why should you or anyone else care about us in prison? Maybe you shouldn't; after all, you have your own problems to worry about. I know I sure didn't give a damn when I was out in the free world. It's not that I had any ill will towards people in prison, I just didn't think about them; it was a whole other world and far removed from me. Like you, perhaps, I didn't care because it didn't affect me then. But I was wrong: prison and the criminal "justice" system affect everyone.<br /></div><p align="left"><br />In Texas, for instance, one in every seven people are either in jail or prison or on probation or parole. So, almost everyone here knows someone who's had a run-in with the law. I'm sure it's the same in many other states. And then there are the countless people nationwide who work within "the System" and rely upon other people being arrested on a regular basis for their paychecks each month. One could think that being "tough on crime" was really more like job security.<br /><br />In his <u>Gulag Archipelago</u>, Alexander Solzhenitsyn wrote about Russia's invisible chain of islands; prisons that resided on a different dimension, out of sight, out of mind. Comrades would just disappear in the night or be plucked out of a crowd never to be seen again are only to resurface later as mere shadows of their former selves. Society did their best to ignore this phenomenon, each person in fear that they could be next. Are we different? The reason such a huge number of people in the United States are being incarcerated today (by far the largest percentage of its citizens than any other country in the world) is because we allow it to happen. We turned a blind eye to the gross injustices being perpetrated against our fellow Americans because our more concerned for our own skins, and, when it comes right down to it, were afraid of our government, the very people we supposedly elect to office. But rather than admit this fear and impotency to change anything, we pretend to condone our government's behavior and even convince ourselves that they're actually doing us a service, protecting us from drugs, terrorism, and the crimes of violence that we gorge ourselves on each day on television.<br /><br />Our society as a whole is sick and weak with little integrity. We preach peace, justice, and moral superiority, but we're fascinated with crime, violence and pornography and obsessed with money and property. As a general rule – individually and collectively – we do nothing unless it's in our best interest. We anesthetize our consciences with Big Pharma drugs and assuage our guilt with donations to charity. But what do we ever do ourselves personally to change the status quo? Apparently, we think our votes election time or enough: let someone else take care of it – although we know we are only perpetuating the system.<br /><br />So, who's really at fault? The pothead for growing marijuana (like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin and practically every one of our founding fathers) and then taking up a prison cell for the next 20 years? The police who are focusing on him rather than serious crime? The elected representatives for criminalizing marijuana in the first place? The media who portray it as an evil weed? The DEA who confiscate his land, house and everything he owned then sell it at auction for profit? Big industry for preventing hemp fiber from competing with their products in the marketplace? Or the average citizen who knows that pot is much less detrimental to society than alcohol but refuse to speak out when their friends and neighbors get put away? Take a guess. What's the difference between " apathetic" and "pathetic" not much. Who ultimately is to blame for many unjust laws on the books and the overwhelming number of Americans in prison today? We are.<br /><br /></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">"Be noble, and the nobleness that lies in other men, sleeping but not dead, </span><br /></div><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">will rise to meet thine own."<br /></span></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">– James Russell Lowell</span><br /></div><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">But, again, why should you or anyone else care about us in prison? Because being locked up in a cement and steel cage for years on end, is a horrible way to live. And, because the courts and prison systems are so overwhelmed and underfunded, the vast majority of prisoners and their cases don't receive the proper attention; they're forgotten and ignored; and their only chance at fair treatment is if enough people in the free world change the system and its laws. Despite what many lawbooks might say, prisoners have virtually no rights – were really nothing more than slaves or property of the state – and we certainly have no say in matters, so we must rely on all of you out there to be our advocates.<br /><br />One group who is doing a lot of good for us is the Texas Inmate Families Association (tifa.org). No doubt each state has its own similar organization run by and for the family members of prisoners. They petition the government for changes in sentencing laws and pressure the prison system and the parole board for changes in their policies and practices. Anyone anywhere can participate and your help would be greatly appreciated.<br /><br />Currently, an effort is being made to change Texas sentencing guidelines of "Five to Life" for any first-degree felony, even if it's for first offense or if no one was hurt. Also in Texas during the sentencing phase of the trial, a defendant can be accused of any additional extraneous offenses – without the need for any evidence. This practice must be stopped as it denies people their constitutional right to due process of law. Texas' current sentencing practices are unjust and do more harm than good. Too many people are being sentenced to way too much time in prison.<br /><br />In addition, anyone in Texas convicted of an aggravated crime i.e. one involving a weapon even if not used) is not entitled to good conduct time while in prison. This would be time ordinarily credited to their parole eligibility. So these inmates don't have the same incentive as other prisoners to rehabilitate themselves while incarcerated; they feel their efforts aren't acknowledged and that they'll never qualify for parole anyway, so why even try? The same aggravated offenders must serve at least half their sentence before ever being considered for parole, and their sentences are already usually pretty lengthy and often excessive. Granting "good time" to all prisoners makes sense, it's only right, and is a necessary first step in solving the overcrowding and budget issues.<br /><br />The Parole Board in Texas is also overwhelmed and in need of reform. According to a recent report, they currently spend an average of only 4 min. reviewing a prisoner's file to decide if the person is eligible for parole. And files often contain erroneous information – even other inmates records. There simply aren't enough people working within the Parole Board to do a proper job, and too many good people are suffering needlessly behind bars because of it. Too many prisoners with excellent disciplinary records and who more than qualify for parole are being denied over and over again. Judges and juries sentence prisoners with the consideration of parole; however, great many inmates are serving their entire sentences, which are often lengthy or excessive to begin with. So, in effect, the parole board is increasing their punishment beyond the court's decision. A little known fact is that many of the more troublesome inmates with the worst disciplinary histories are the ones being released on parole because they're just too much trouble to deal with, while the more well behaved, docile prisoners are incarcerated longer. Eventually making parole is what every person in prison looks forward to: a chance to prove themselves in a free world and another chance at life. To deny the most deserving because of a personnel shortage or screwed up paperwork is inexcusable. However, the general view is that parole board members simply don't care about people and feel they have a right to extend someone's suffering in prison indefinitely, regardless. They literally hold the keys to our freedom and essentially wield the power of life and death. Second to passing "good time" legislation, reforms and parole board practices are essential.<br /><br />We need your help. The only way things will change for the better is if concerned citizens like yourself pressure the powers that be to fix the system. It must be acknowledged that the that way too many people are being incarcerated in this country and for way too long. Please contact your local, state and national representatives on our behalf. Thank you!<br /><br />Thanks, as always for listening and caring. Bye for now – Eric</span></span></p>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-18663695704705827602010-10-10T12:36:00.000-07:002010-11-09T05:09:27.644-08:00Why We Suffer<p align="center"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">"The most beautiful stones have been tossed by the wind,</span></p><div align="left"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">washed by the water and polished to brilliance by life's strongest storms."</span><br /></div><br />I'm apparently the "advice guy" on my wing. For some reason, I'm a magnet for other inmates who have problems they want solved and questions they want answered. It's probably because I look so stereotypically smart: I got the glasses and my nose is always in a book. Plus, I don't talk too much, which I'm sure makes me seem wise or something: who knows. I'm really not that smart. I'm in prison after all. However, I read a lot, and that makes me the proverbial one eyed man in the kingdom of the blind. But I also like to think that my advice is actually pretty good; and word gets around. For the most part, once we address their specific issue, this is what I tell them all – this is what I've learned for myself to be true.<br /></div><p align="left"><br />Believe it or not, we are not here on earth to be happy. Happiness isn't some God-given right or entitlement. Instead, our mission – individually and collectively – is to learn and grow through experience. We tend to learn the most by making mistakes, and we tend to grow the most by suffering or struggling in some way. Everyone makes mistakes, and as long as we learn from each other and try not to repeat them, we needn't feel guilty or ashamed or beat ourselves up about it. And every life includes suffering; it's how we let it affect us, how we react to it and eventually overcome it that makes the difference. The mark of the distinctive life is the ability to keep picking yourself up after setbacks and finishing your life strong.<br /><br />Whatever problems you may have (and this is going to sound crazy), be grateful for them, because they're forcing you to learn and grow and become better than you were before. As much as your life might suck at the moment, take a look at your situation objectively – like as an outside observer – and try to find the challenges it holds for you: not the obvious ones, like "pay the rent" when you're broke or "find a mate" when you're alone, but the deeper more personal challenges dealing with your character, like having the courage to persevere in the face of hardship, or acting with integrity when it is easier not to, or admitting that you have a problem and need help, or having the strength of will to change. How are your current problems forcing you to become a better person? How can you use them to improve your character? What lessons are they teaching you? After analyzing the situation as an outside observer, what advice would you give yourself?<br /><br />Remember this: to suffer is to experience. If you've never experienced pain or loss, if you've never had any problems or made any mistakes of your own, you can't relate to anyone who has. In order to help someone who is suffering you must be able to empathize with them and understand where they're coming from. Also, if you never have any obstacles to overcome, you can't grow spiritually. No one has ever attained enlightenment during the course of an easy, comfortable life. To suffer is to experience life, and the more we experience in life the better as far as our souls are concerned. Our souls, or "higher Selves" – don't care so much about being happy as growing spiritually; and they have no problem with earthly suffering, because they know it's only temporary and for good reason and part of the role they chose to play this time around. Our suffering on Earth has real purpose and meaning for our troubled souls. It may be hard to figure out sometimes, but by just accepting the challenge to suffer bravely your life has meaning up to the last moment.<br /><br />However were not intended to suffer just for suffering sake: we learn and grow the most by overcoming our suffering, by making the most of it and not letting it affect us negatively. It's not only possible to accept hardships. We need to actually embrace them, and transform them into something positive. One of example of this might be overcoming alcoholism/addiction and then using that experience to help others do the same; another could be surviving a childhood of malnutrition and starvation and then working to end hunger as an adult; or maybe you have been unjustly sentenced to life in prison, but instead of just giving up you decide to go on living and somehow be a source of inspiration and encouragement to your fellow prisoners; the various examples are and less. Once were able to move beyond our current struggles, we are ready for the next set of challenges. Of course, this is not easy and it's not supposed to be. The process is different for everyone; no one can tell another how to overcome their own unique suffering nor what its ultimate purpose may be; each person must find out for themselves and accept the responsibility that comes with it.<br /><br />Then again, some people do seem to lead charmed lives where all is well and nothing ever seems to go wrong: there happy and fulfilled. This is true for many people around the world. In some cases they've earned these carefree lives by enduring many others of suffering and by progressing spiritually, and we can't begrudge them this. Karma, or the universal law of cause and effect, is real, and we really do " reap what we sow" in this and all of our lives on Earth. But in most cases, however, appearances are deceiving, and the seemingly blessed lives other people lead aren't all they're cracked up to be. Everyone has problems, and even the most fortunate of us will experience troubles or tragedy at some point in our lives. Realize some of the most miserable people are the ones who seem to have it all, because they don't have what matters most: Love.<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);">"May you have the courage to transform adversity and spiritual practice. </span><br /></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);">May adversity empower the cultivation of compassion."</span><br /></div><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Love conquers all, as they say. If your heart is filled with enough love and forgiveness, there's no amount of suffering that can bring you down; though it can be extremely difficult to feel any kind of love (especially for yourself) when you're suffering or experiencing the results of mistakes you've made (like the insanity of addiction). But there's a tried-and-true way to get some love in your life no matter what: it's important to understand – or just seriously consider – that who you really are is a divine, spiritual being having a special learning experience in this physical plane, using your physical body and mind as a vehicle. This is not mere theory or belief but a demonstrable fact that you can verify for yourself. (Check out my book list at mysticministries.org". As a " divine adventurer" you are expected to screw up once in a while. While you are here in order to learn and grow from it from experience and because you're innocent and pure as an ultimately spiritual being, there should be no place for guilt or shame or self-hatred in your life – regret and remorse, yes, definitely but nothing more. Realizing this and taking it to heart allows you to forgive yourself and to love yourself. An understanding that we are all really spiritual beings underneath it all – that the ass hole who just cut you off in traffic is also "child of God" – makes it that much easier to forgive them and others as well. To understand why you are here on earth is to better understand your suffering – to forgive it – to love your life regardless of how difficult it may be.<br /><br />Another way to overcome suffering is to put the focus on other people rather than yourself. Caring for others gives you purpose and meaning it helps you feel better about your life. There may be many people who are experiencing the same struggles as yourself and would appreciate your understanding and insight. And no matter how bad we think we may have it, someone else has got worse – often much more so. For example, if your set upset about having no shoes, think of the person who has no feet. I may be in prison with a ridiculously excessive sentence, but I have the support of family and friends out there, whereas many other prisoners have no one; they feel totally rejected, forgotten and unloved. Also, although I'm locked in a cage, I'm still relatively well fed and have the luxury of meditating and studying every day, while many people in the free world are out of work and struggling each day to put food on the table.<br /><br /></span></span></p>Still another way to ease your suffering is to think about all the good things in your life. You may be broke but you have got your health; you may not have your health but you have the love of a good woman; you may not have a girlfriend, but you've got the best dog in the whole world – you get the idea. But it doesn't really help unless you feel genuine gratitude for those things. Being able to stay positive despite the problems will be one of the most difficult things you can do and the most gratifying; it's a huge lesson for each of us. It helps to understand that quote "like attracts like quote" and that a positive, optimistic attitude really does help to bring better things your way, especially the right people.<br /><br />Speaking of which a great way to put an end to your troubles is to get help from someone else. If you only knew just how many people there are out there – everywhere, in every place no matter how small – who want to help you and are only waiting for you to reach out, you wouldn't hesitate for a moment. These people are so goodhearted and compassionate and sincerely nonjudgmental that it would just blow your mind. They live to be of service, and you'd be doing them a huge favor by letting them help you: it gives them purpose and meaning in their lives, is extremely rewarding, and it allows them to express their love – forgot, for mankind, for life – in a productive way. For instance, any of you who happen to take my advice in order to beat addiction and depression would be making me super happy because I know that my efforts have done some good in that I'm able to make a difference from this prison cell. I think we should all aspire to be someone who really enjoys and makes an effort to help others. But it's important sometimes to first get the help <strong>we</strong> need to be better able to do that. And we can't be afraid or too proud to ask for it. I encourage anyone who lets their pride get in the way, as I once did, to humble themselves, admit their problems and weaknesses to a loved one or caring stranger, because, in the end, it's only going to make you a much stronger and better person.<br /><br />Finally, we should not be afraid to ask for spiritual help as well. Just because we can't see them doesn't mean that Angels and other beneficial spirits aren't real. There has real as you are I, only not limited by this physical plane. Like so many caring souls on earth, they too want to help and be of service. But we have to sincerely ask for Their assistance because a great deal of importance is placed on "free will" and making an effort to solve our problems ourselves. Results may not be obvious right away, but "ask and ye shall receive". Guaranteed. Of course, a new-car or chest of gold will not just magically appear, but you will be aided in numerous ways you may never have even considered before if you have faith in the outcome and in "them". Ask God, the Angels and the Forces of Light and Love, whom ever "up there" you'd like – but definitely ask. And for all you skeptics out there: I used to think the same as you and needed scientific proof of such things. Well, I got it, and you can to. Again, I highly suggest devouring my "required" reading list at mysticministries.org. Regardless, it certainly doesn't hurt to try, right?<br /><br />Anyway, so these are my words of wisdom for all those with the "the ears to hear and the eyes to see". From one fellow student in Earth school to another. I merely point the way that I myself am going. I'm dealing with my own suffering as well as I know how, and I wish you the best with yours. Be strong.<br /><br />Thanks for listening and caring. Bye for now.<br /><br />– EricEric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-28636234735661406032010-09-26T10:00:00.000-07:002010-11-06T20:01:52.786-07:00REDEMPTION<p align="center"><span style="color:#6600cc;">"When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight it concentrates his mind wonderfully." – Samuel Johnson</span></p><p align="left"><br /></p><div align="left">Why do so many convicts have their "come to Jesus" moment while in prison? Why not before? How can we judge their sincerity? Does such a spiritual change of heart make that great a difference? Does it endure past their release? Should spiritual teaching be a standard part of the rehabilitation process if it's present proven so effective, or is that too much of a mixture of church and state? With so many people incarcerated today, these are all important questions to consider.<br /><br />There are many factors involved in prison inmates becoming more spiritual. First, they're removed from the "rat race": they no longer have to put their time and energy into earning a living and paying bills, or amassing wealth and collecting material possessions, or playing their part in the never ending drama of the free world. They have – for maybe the first time in their lives – the opportunity to take a "timeout", to think and reflect, to contemplate their existence and the meaning of life. They can spend hours in meditation and prayer if they choose. And they usually have plenty of time to look back on every mistake they ever made, no matter how small, and feel remorse for each one.<br /><br />Second, they no longer are directly influenced by their usual environment. Their out of the "hood" or barrio or small town or wherever for, again, maybe the first time in their lives. They're no longer surrounded by the same people and influences, the same peer pressure. (Actually, this isn't always true and is the biggest challenge to growth and change in prison. Too often, new inmates simply exchange their free world gang for new one inside.) In prison, religion/spirituality is a big topic of conversation and study, and new inmates, regardless of their age, almost always encounter new ideas on the subject, and many are introduced to the concept of taking spirituality seriously for the first time in their lives.<br /><br />Third, people in prison are away from drugs and alcohol and their damaging effects on body, mind, and spirit. Sure, on many units, drugs are easily obtainable (thanks to guards bringing them in), and wine is pretty easily made anywhere, but they're more expensive than on the outside and the punishment for being caught with them is prohibitive. Regardless, the access and amounts aren't nearly what they are in the free world and most all prisoners stay totally sober, especially if they're on the spiritual path. And although some say how they can't wait to have a drink or get high when they get out, I think everyone in here enjoys their sobriety and health and clarity that go along with it. A huge percentage, like myself, were alcoholics/addicts and would probably never have quit and regained their sanity if they hadn't been locked up for a while. It's impossible for anyone to grow spiritually when there f&%$ed up all the time.<br /><br />Then there is, perhaps the greatest reason of all: when a person is in enough trouble – when they have fallen as low it's as it's possible for them to go – they may finally asked for help. And when there's no one to help them, or no one able to help, they may finally turn to God, even if they don't actually believe in Him. For so many of us in prison, God is our only hope.<br /><br />Essentially, the penitentiary, by definition at least, is a place for penitence and spiritual reflection. To spend any amount of time in here and not come away changed for the better means you really didn't want to. Every unit has a chapel and both Christian and Muslim services, although the latter are usually organized by the inmates themselves who are almost exclusively black. There also prison ministries out there who visit occasionally and send reading/study materials upon request. It's true (in Texas at least) that if you're interested in any other religions – especially exotic ones like Buddhism, Taoism or Kriya Yoga (my favorites) – you will find zero support from the System, but there are plenty of outside resources available to write for information and that cater to prisoners. Unfortunately, these alternative paths focus more in individual practice than formal, group worship. Whichever way you lean, in prison you'll have countless opportunities each day to apply what all the world's religions preach: love, forgiveness, tolerance, kindness, generosity, gratitude, faith, patience, and hope – always hope, of course, for another chance at life, or at least for the one beyond.<br /><br />Unfortunately, some prisoners only seem to embrace spirituality but don't really believe in what they're learning, or they haven't had the time to internalize what they've learned. Some use their Bibles and prayer groups for protection, thinking that the gangs will leave them alone if they appear to be pious, God loving/fearing Christians or Muslims. The black Muslims are like a gang unto themselves, though, and membership does have its privileges. The Aryan Brotherhood are all into the Norse God and his fabled Hammer. And there are plenty of proud pagans and Wiccans and what have you running around. One of the concessions allowed to inmates by the System is the right to wear medallions of whatever religion they profess; so you see a few pentacles along with the crosses and prayer beads. The truly spiritual, however, show themselves by their actions; and it's obvious after speaking with them that their devotion is genuine and lasting. To determine the level of sincerity of an inmate's claim to faith, just get another spiritual person to spend 15 to 20 min. with them; it takes one to know one.<br /><br />No doubt many in prison turned to religion to "get right with God" as if they have something to fear from His judgment and retribution and are trying to avoid hell, but most, I believe, simply want to be better people and realize that they lost their way there for a while and need to get back on track, and that it's important to at least consider the reality of the divine realm and ourselves as spiritual beings with a reason for being here on earth. What's most important, though is how well the spiritual lessons are learned and taken to heart and put into practice – not only today but from now on.<br /><br />However, I am afraid for too many, upon release, the pushes and pulls of the material world may eventually undo whatever spiritual progress was made while in prison. It's imperative that newly freed prisoners keep their priorities straight and stay true to themselves and their ideals. Having a support group of some kind, like a church or other religious association, is essential. If you know someone just out of prison, reach out to them and show them love; help them hook up with this compatible spiritual community, even if it is different from your own. Of course, this could apply to anyone else whom you might meet who could also use your help.<br /><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;">"We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them." – Charles C West</span> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><span style="color:#ff6600;"></span></div><div align="left">An important step along the spiritual Path is the relinquishing of one's own will for God's will, putting one's complete faith in the Divine Order of the Universe. It's the understanding that there truly is a reason for everything both good and bad, as we may judge them. For the prison inmate, it's a coming to terms with one's incarceration, no matter how unjust it may seem, and focus on the positive aspects of the experience – on what has been gained rather than what has been lost. Prison can be an unparalleled opportunity to change yourself and become the person you know you're capable of being. As horrible as it can be at times, I consider myself extremely fortunate to have had this experience, solely because it's done so much to further my spiritual evolution. If this is God's will, then so be it. Perhaps this was His intention all along – His way of getting me to finally pay attention. Please understand that someone who makes an honest effort to lead a spiritual life does not commit crime. He lives primarily to love and serve others. No matter how rotten the person he may have been in the past, he is no longer capable of behaving again in such a way. People can change. Redemption is real. However, it's understandable that although he has forgiven himself and is forgiven in God's eyes, he is not yet been forgiven by society. He may never be. After all, how can we really know how someone has progressed in prison? Still, if this person can prove to be a benefit to society rather than the burden he is now, shouldn't he be given the chance? I guess it's a matter of weighing the risks versus rewards. If we can believe that he really has changed for the better, then maybe a condition of his release/parole should be to do community service work of some kind such as counseling troubled youth in danger of going to prison themselves someday. Also, in coming to a decision, perhaps we should look at our own, spiritual development and capacity to forgive and show mercy.<br /><br />Obviously, I was referring to myself in that last paragraph. I hope to somehow be granted a commutation (reduction) of sentence someday with your help. I feel that my punishment is excessive and that I've suffered enough for my crime. I've certainly learned my lesson. I can do more to help people from outside these walls and razor wire them from within. But I also want you to give thought to the thousands of other prisoners across the country and around the world in my position who have atoned for their sins and are worthy of a second chance at life. Our prisons are overcrowded and underfunded, and too many people are serving way to much time needlessly. Please contact the powers that be in your state/area to release/parole deserving inmates and to amend any unjust sentencing "guidelines" (in Texas, we have "five to life"). Also, of course, I would greatly appreciate your help with letters. See my website at Mystic Ministry's.org.<br /><br />I hope I've made it a little easier to understand how prison can be conducive to spiritual growth and change. Many of us have discovered the path and are walking it daily. We're not all bad, scary people in here.<br /><br />Anyway, thanks as always for listening and caring. Bye for now.</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">– Eric</div>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-51245437068986081202010-08-27T09:00:00.000-07:002010-10-10T12:36:07.584-07:00REPENTANCE<p align="center"> </p><p align="center">"<span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)">To be really sorry for one's errors is like opening the door to heaven." --</span></p><br /><div align="center"><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)">Hazrat Inyat Khan</span></div><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center"></div>As horrible as it is, prison can be a positive experience overall and an invaluable opportunity to change the course of one's life. It is an excellent time to think back on everything you have ever said and done, both good and bad, and judge your conduct. Are you essentially a good person? Why did you behave the way you did? What would you do differently? What advice would you give your old self? How can you be a better person today? It's a difficult process, for sure; we all have a lot to remember and review no matter what our age, and some of us have more regrets than we would care to face. But it's important for us all, regardless of whether we're in prison or not, to take a good hard look at ourselves in the mirror and to be honest about what we see. That's the first step.<br /><div align="left"></div><br />And the sooner we all do this, the better it'll be for everyone. Many of us don't realize what dopes or jerks we are (hello alcoholics) and just blindly keep on keepin' on, as we've always done. Plus, many of us don't take personal responsibility for ourselves, instead of blaming other people or situations for our behavior. Each of us alone is responsible for our thoughts, words, and deeds and how we allow the thoughts, words, and deeds of others to affect us. And every one of us needs to be aware of just how much we affect the world around us.<br /><p></p><p>The character of our thoughts is paramount. Without oversimplifying it too much, I believe that each thought can be rated on a scale of 1 to 10, with those coming entirely from Love a "10" and those entirely from Selfishness a "1" or even a "zero". Check in with yourself from time to time and rate your thoughts this way, it's enlightening. Of course, no one is perfect, but we should all strive for the balance each day to be tilted in the Love direction. Besides Selfishness, where do thoughts of Judgment fit in? Where are they on the scale? Good question. Perhaps any Judgment thoughts should just immediately be rejected and replaced with ones of Understanding. I found that the majority of our thoughts, especially judging ones, are simply habits or habitual reactions to things. When we pay more and more attention to our thoughts, we can catch ourselves thinking/reacting without really understanding something or taking the time to understand. We're usually too quick to judge. So, I guess we should always have two "thought meters" running in our heads: one for Selfishness and one for Judgment.</p>But, unfortunately, there are many people who simply don't care whether their thoughts are selfish or judgmental or whatever. They're just taking care of business, looking out after number one, and there's nothing wrong with that, is there? It's not like it's against the law or anything; and being selfish or judgmental doesn't necessarily mean you're a bad person, does it? But every crime starts with a selfish thought, every hatred with a judgmental one, and who's to tell where such thoughts will eventually lead over time? It's best to get out of the habit sooner than later. So start now! Not to care about the quality of your thoughts is not to care about the quality of the life you lead. No matter what you might say to the contrary, no matter how tough you are, we all want the best possible life.<br /><p></p><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,102,0)">"Live as if everything you do will eventually be known."</span><br /></div><p align="left">Just so you know -- believe it or not -- when we die, one of the very first things each of us does as an eternal soul is review the life we just lead. (The whole point of living is to learn and grow from experience, both good and bad, and this initial review is essential to get an overall picture of our progress. Further review compares this life with all her previous ones and helps us decide on the next.) But not only do we see our past life's events, we feel them emotionally. And not only do we again experience what happened to ourselves but also what we did to others; we feel how our thoughts, words, and deeds affected them. You'll feel every hug you ever gave, every good deed you ever did from their perspective, as well is every kick and hurtful word... something to keep in mind,huh?</p>So, having such an opportunity in prison to review one's life so extensively beforehand is a real blessing. It's kind of like getting a head start so that not much will come as a surprise in the end. However, it's too easy, especially at first, to focus on the negative stuff, all the mistakes, rather than the good as well. Remorse can be overwhelming at times. It's just as important, to remember how good we really are, or at least try to be. As souls when we die, only we judge ourselves. (God/the Source/All That Is ) does not judge but only loves), but we tend to be pretty hard on ourselves. And I believe the same can be true in life once we accept full responsibility for every thought and action, as only we are to blame for them. However, the mistake we all usually make is that we punish ourselves for our perceived crimes rather than forgive ourselves. Instead of learning from our mistakes, becoming better for them, and moving on, we engage in self-destructive behavior, like drug and alcohol abuse, over eating, "acting out", sabotaging good jobs or relationships, or committing senseless crimes. We may not be consciously aware of it, but were punishing ourselves for something we feel guilty of. But to really know yourself is to understand that, ultimately, you are a spiritual being having a physical experience on earth, and that you are here to make mistakes in order to learn from them and grow spiritually. Guilt should have no place in your life. Recognize your errors and do your best not to repeat them, that is all. Forgive yourself as you forgive others. This is the final step.<br /><p align="left"></p><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="COLOR: rgb(255,0,0)">"Don't bother to be better than your contemporaries, or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." -- Faulkner.</span><br /></div><p align="left">You know, the Hawaiians really got it goin' on. Their's is a religion relatively untouched/unedited since the beginning of mankind. Today it's known for the most part as "Huna". It recognizes each person as having three selves: the waking consciousness, which senses the world around us; the subconscious, which primarily deals with memory; and the superconsciousness, which is our connection to the divine, our permanent, higher self. (Two great books are: "Mastering Your Hidden Self" by King, and "Fundamentals of Hawaiian Mysticism" by Bernie. See my book list at <a href="http://www.mysticministries.org/">Mysticministries.org</a>)</p>An aspect of Huna that I practice religiously every day these days is "Ho'oponopono", which essentially means "to make right", or "to rectify an error". The practice has three parts to it: repentance, forgiveness, and transportation. The "repentance" is taking 100% responsibility for everything in my life -- every little thing, both good and bad, that I'm aware of, even the problems of others, as collectively we are all One in Spirit and co-creating our physical reality together unconsciously, and realizing that any problems/negativity I experience are the result of my acting upon memories (subconscious) rather than inspiration (super consciousness, the Divine). It's an acknowledgment that I don't have a clue what's really going on and that I really don't have control over everything. My intention is no match for inspiration. The "forgiveness" part is "letting go and letting God." It's about not getting hung up on guilt and blame but instead releasing issues as they arise, cleaning them from my subconscious and/or collective consciousness from where they ultimately came. And the "transmutation" is the divine neutralizing any negative perceived issues with love, replacing the dark with light. Essentially, as things, come up or as thoughts arise, I just repeat to myself, "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you." That's it. Sometimes I'll say it fast, or sometimes I'll really reflect on each part of it as I repeat it over and over. Regardless of whether it "works" or not, it sure makes me feel better; it sure eases my mind and helps me cope with an otherwise unbearable environment/situation. As I repeat this mantra, I envision myself as a walking, talking lightbulb of Love. (While still being the "tough convict" on the outside, of course). My intention these days is to honor the intention of the Divine.<br /><p>If you decide to try this method for yourself, please let me know how it goes. I know it may seem a little wacky, especially at first, but the simple act of repeating these four simple statements to yourself seems to work miracles. Notice how people react to you differently, like, "Wow, that guy is nuts." (just kidding!). It's very similar to Jesus' teachings of living in love, forgiveness and gratitude and that the Divine is within each of us, as well is the Buddhist teachings of releasing our attachments to the physical world and forgetting everything as it's all really a collective illusion of our own creation. Two righteous dudes for sure. Ditto for Krishna and Zarathustra,Taliesin,Lao Tzu,Yogananda,Sai Baba,and the Ba'hai guy and countless other teachers of spirituality throughout the ages. Those simple words -- "I love. I'm sorry. I forgive (I'm forgiven). Thank you." -- encompass the not so simple reason for our physical existence as spiritual beings.</p>Anyway, one last thing before I go. Growing up, God to me was like Santa Claus: I couldn't believe in either without proof of some kind. Sunday school just didn't cut it. No one could answer my questions. The Bible -- don't even get me started. I always figured that there must be a Creative Force or something out there, but that we could never really know for certain. Well, let me tell you -- from one science - minded, hard - to -convince skeptic to another, -- a Divine realm does in fact exist, and it's possible to know and experience it for yourself without dying first. There is proof. It's a bit much to get into here, but if you're an atheist or an agnostic, as I once was, please do your research before coming to a conclusion. There are some amazing books out there that will blow your mind and possibly change your life forever . Be sure to read at least the first three on my book list at <a href="http://www.mysticministries.org/">Mysticministries.org</a>. Even if you already consider yourself a religious person, these books are very enlightening. I've been blessed with countless books sent from home over the years and these are the very best of the best without a doubt. Enjoy!<br /><p>Thanks again, as always, for listening and caring. Bye for now.</p><br /><p>-- Eric</p>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-11881960025949852792010-08-10T20:30:00.000-07:002010-08-15T06:54:14.260-07:00HOW I GOT HERE<p align="center"><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">"I was once a fortunate man, but I lost it, I know not how." </span></p><p align="center"><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">-- Marcus Aurelius.</span></p>I'm often asked how I came to be in prison, and the simple answer is, obviously, "I got caught." The full story, though is a pretty good one, even if it does take a while to tell. Please bear with me:I was raised by a pack of wild dogs on an Indian reservation in South Dakota. I ran wild for the 7+ years we were there, but also got an excellent education thanks to my mom. She taught me to read before kindergarten, made sure I played musical instruments, got me arts and crafts supplies, chemistry sets and construction sets, microscopes and telescopes, and provided me with countless books, including a cherished set of encyclopedias. She encouraged me to use my imagination and write my own stories. And, most importantly, she encouraged me to learn on my own and praised me often for my efforts. Plus, she let me run with the dogs.<br /><p>My mom is smart with a heart of gold. She put herself through college , graduating Phi Beta Kappa As a single mother with me in tow. Then law school at UC Berkeley. How she managed I have no idea. In the early 70s, she made her way to the Rosebud Reservation in Mission, South Dakota -- one of the poorest places in the United States. -- to work as a legal services attorney. She eventually became the director there and a well respected advocate for Indian people.She married a fellow lawyer and had two more children when I was 10 and 11, respectively.</p>We later moved to Boulder Colorado, where mom worked for a national Indian rights organization. She decided to return to school -- premed this time. After a few years, we've moved to Chicago where mom attended medical school and I, high school. Her husband didn't come along, just us boys. And, once again, she graduated with honors, one of the oldest students in her class. Since then, she's practiced medicine all over and has established several free clinics, along the way<br /><p>After high school, I entered the physical therapy program at the University of Wisconsin at Madison. I had student loans for the most part, painted houses in the summer and cooked in a variety of restaurants during the school year. Unfortunately, however, I had discovered drinking in high school and my studies suffered as a result.</p>In addition, I became a bit disenchanted with traditional physical therapy, discovering "holistic" modalities like yoga, clinical massage, acupuncture, that appealed to me more.<br /><p>Then, in 1989, a year before graduation, adventure called: North to Alaska! The Exxon Valdez oil spill occurred and workers were needed everywhere. The perfect summer job, right? So, I ended up working on a fishing boat, in a cannery, some restaurants and a logging camp -- well past the time I should have returned to school. And in the end I discovered commercial diving, working underwater, mostly on fishing boats at dock, repairing piers and such, doing salvage and recovery work and doing video inspections. Fun stuff!</p>But the ocean in Alaska's <strong>cold</strong>! So it was off to the warm Gulf of Mexico in Texas, and along the east coast for a while, then back to the Gulf and finally to Seattle, where I settled down, sorta. I started my own diving business, got married to a beautiful woman, sold sailboats on the side and eventually went back to school to become a clinical massage therapist and yoga instructor -- doing work I loved. I had a successful and busy practice in a medical clinic, doing mostly insurance work for work- related and auto accident injuries along with a number of people with chronic pain. My specialty was deep tissue myofascial release or Rolfing, which is often painful, but it has excellent results, the main goal being optimum posture and biomechanics. I also focused on neuromuscular reeducation, teaching a movement akin to yoga.Business was booming and life was grand.<br /><br /><p align="center"><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">"Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make prideful." -- Euripides</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">But it wasn't to last. My wife and I split up and I started dating a few of my clients -- a big mistake it would turn out. One day,a young woman who owed a considerable amount of money from her insurance settlement accused me of sexual misconduct as a way to avoid her debt. And it worked, of course: all it takes is a single unfounded accusation like that for a man to be considered guilty these days, and she knew it. I was able to prove that her claim was physically impossible, but the damage was done. A former client I had briefly dated outside the office -- a "woman scorned" -- heard the accusation and jumped on the bandwagon, making one of her own to hurt me. Everything done in my office was always strictly professional, but 2 such claims back to back was too much for the medical clinic to handle, and I had to leave. However, I soon found an even nicer office and a new group of physicians to work with. Needless to say, I stopped dating clients. Anyway, my new practice thrived, and I was still able to help people each day.</span><br /><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Until "The Boat" -- The Boat changed everything. Answering a tiny ad in an obscure sailing newsletter, I took a ferry out to the San Juan Islands, near Seattle to look at a boat for sale: a 41' x 24' ocean cruising catamaran that still needed a lot of work. In fact, it was still in the woods off the beach and yet to be launched. It needed everything: keels, rudders, engine, steering system, mast, rigging i.e. the works. It was essentially just a fiberglass shell ready to customize as I saw fit. A major opportunity and challenge that I couldn't pass up. Plus the price was right. One condition of the sale was that it had to be out of there within six months so a house could be built on the property. So, I dropped everything else to work on The Boat.</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">A huge mistake, as I was in way over my head. I didn't even know what a hole saw was. But I was in love and just try talking sense to a boat nut. I spent every waking moment putting that boat together, staying up days at a time and drinking way too much whiskey and smoking way too much weed as a new bachelor. But I got launched in time. Once in the water, I fully intended to go back to work but instead just kept drinking and working on The Boat. I eventually closed my practice grew a beard. I became the marina's handyman and diver. Life was good, but I become a regular drunk -- a boat bum. I drank so much that I would often blackout, remembering nothing of the day or night before. I became delusional and depressed. Then, finally after years of self-destructive drinking, I had what can only be called a nervous breakdown. I walked away from the boat, from my truck and tools, everything I own, and caught a flight to the Caribbean.</span><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I guess I had some kind of vague, misguided notion that I could just run away from myself, that I could quit drinking and get clean and sober in the Virgin Isles, eating fruit and doing yoga on the beach or something. Instead, of course, it was Margaritaville. Bottles of rum were cheaper than bottled water. I got hooked on the drink called the Bushwhacker: tequila, vodka, rum, gin, vermouth, Bailey's Irish cream, and Kahlúa blended with ice, half a banana, and chocolate syrup to taste. Delicious! Couldn't get enough of them. From boat bum to beach bum. I first worked on a boat taking people scuba diving, then as a cook, bartender, and waiter in most every restaurant on St. John. Cocaine and crack are cheap and plentiful in the Caribbean and most of my co-workers were addicts. This scared me and I realized that I had to get the hell out of there, quick.</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So I caught a plane to Santa Barbara, a real paradise, where I again hoped to get sober and straightened out. I rented a room and waited tables at fancy restaurants, sold women's shoes at Nordstrom's, sold thousand dollar health club memberships, and did stone and tile remodeling work that I really enjoyed. I dated a super model look-alike with a millionaire father. But I was still drinking: drowning my sorrows for ruining a wonderful marriage, abandoning a perfect career and losing The Boat. Then after only nine months, for no good reason at all, I found myself running away again.</span><br /><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">This time it was Kansas City, Missouri. Someone had once told me it was a good place to find a good woman and settle down. I immediately found a great little apartment, and a great job in outside sales. And I made enough money in one month to take the next two off: to drink myself to death. I got a hold of some stained glass materials and tools and made beautiful pieces of art while I was at it. Then the next sales job went the same way: one month on, two off. I just drank whiskey and did stained glass. At the end of my short stay in KC, I waited tables at a five-star steakhouse and quickly made enough to hit the road again.</span></p><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Why I came to Texas. I'll never understand; but I'd always heard Austin was a pretty cool place. As usual, I found a nice apartment and a good job in sales right away. And as usual, I began the same sorry pattern of some months on and many off, to wallow in booze and regrets. This time, my hobby besides drinking and stained glass was writing movie screenplays -- "perfect crime" thrillers. Somehow, I had gotten it into my head that this was my calling, and I would stay up for days and nights in a row, creating scenes enacting them out, assuming the various characters identities for timing and dialogue. I began living in a fantasy world. I drank more than ever before, if that's even possible, and I now suffered from DTs. I would shake like a leaf and be sick if my alcohol level went too low. I needed at least 6 ounces of whiskey for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, not to mention the cases of beer in between. I contemplated suicide on a daily basis, then finally went out and bought a handgun -- something like James Bond would use, of course -- and would sit with it against my head for many nights afterwards. But now that I had a gun, I thought, "why not be a real, live private detective, like in my screenplays." So that became the plan. After all, weren't a lot of the classic movie gumshoes alcoholics themselves, with their feet up on the desk and a bottle of booze in the desk drawer? Fortunately, I was arrested at this point.</span></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">"Semel insanivimus omnis. (We have all been mad once.)"</span><br /></div><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Near the end of 2000, shortly before my latest fall from grace, I worked selling a service where people could buy used cars at auction. The company placed classified ads for cars for sale to lure potential customers. After a few sales, as usual, I quit, having enough money to drink on through the holidays. The job had given me an idea for a screenplay about an international car smuggling ring, and I got to work on that also. However, I ended up blacking out for the entire month of December and January of the new year; I couldn't remember things; I doubt I left the apartment, but who knows? Very scary. Instead of whiskey, I'd recently switched to gallons of vodka, so maybe that had something to do with it. My best guess is that I made a serious effort to finally drink myself to death but failed somehow.</span><br /><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So, now it's February, 2001 and halfway through, my younger brother, who I once helped raise, and who once looked up to me shows up on my doorstep, asking me for the $5000 I'd borrowed the year before. "Sure, bro," I say, "and don't worry about the money, I gotcha." (Yikes!).</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">In the seriously screwed up state of mind I was in at the time, I came real close to taking the easy way out with a gun in my mouth. But then I figured that the only right thing to do was first get the money somehow to pay my brother before killing myself. I could act out an idea from my latest screenplay. So, that's what I did: on a Monday, I placed an ad to sell a car that didn't exist -- Best/First Cash Offer. That same day, I also called a psychiatrist to be seen as soon as possible. Wednesday, I returned calls about the car and made an appointment to sell it on Friday. Thursday I saw the psychiatrist, who agreed that I was completely nuts and prescribed some medication. On Friday after a sleepless night and as drunk and stoned as possible, I went ahead to meet the buyer. After all, it probably wasn't going to work anyway, and I could always call it off at any time, right? Let's just see what happens...</span><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I was such an idiot that I was surprised when more than one person came to collect the car: a man and his wife. I explained that the car was being detailed and was on its way, and could I please count the money? " No problem," the fellow says. He opens his minivan's sliding door, moves some groceries to the backseat, and gets in, motioning for me to join them. (Apparently, there were two small children in the very back seat thatI never noticed.) I'm handed an envelope with $8000, and as I pretend to count the money, I'm saying to myself, "what in the hell are you doing?! This is insane! Just hand the money back and leave!" But then: "you're doing this for your brother." So I say to the guy, "I'm sorry, but I really need this." And at the same time flash my gun needlessly and hit the ground running. He chases me quite a ways to my car, and as soon as I get in. He's pounding on the window; but I soon lost, dodging a good Samaritan in a monster truck who tries to block me and gives chase before I eventually get away. I must've been a pretty pitiful robber</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Of course, my first stop was the liquor store. I paid my brother, what I owed him and refused to tell them where the money came from. About 10 days later the psych meds kicked in: it was like a switch had been thrown in my brain, and I was a new man; I was thinking positively for the first time in years, and gone were the persistent thoughts of suicide. I soon landed a decent job in sales for a remodeling company. I was drinking less and even dating again. Then one evening over drinks with a neighbor, while discussing our respective psychiatric issues, I said, "you want to hear crazy? Let me tell you about crazy..." and I told her the whole story, embellishing, I'm sure, like some kind of Sopranos character.</span><br /><p align="center"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">"Rule number one: keep your -- -- mouth shut." -- Fat Tony.</span></p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So began my descent into hell -- from one kind of suicidal depression to another. I was arrested just days later and went through months of the most horrific alcohol withdrawal imaginable in the county jail. For one week early on, I was left alone in a bare "psych tank" with no clothes and only a hole in the floor to relieve myself in. I had to beg for toilet paper and water. I couldn't hold down any food. I slept on the concrete floor with no blanket, and I tried to sleep as much as possible. Cruel and unusual punishment? Nope, just standard operating procedure for addicts and the insane.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />And so began my introduction to the criminal justice system in America. After a few months, a court-appointed attorney finally met with me for 20 minutes or so. That was the last I heard from them until a brief appearance at my arraignment and then again two days before my sentencing trial. I had pled guilty. And in the end, he handed my head to the prosecution on a silver platter. </span><p>Apparently, my case was cherry picked by the newly appointed district attorney in order to make headlines in the news: "Bradley Tough on Crime!" I was never offered a plea agreement. I was never allowed an evidentiary hearing. And if you didn't have a violent career criminal to prosecute, he would create his own, accusing me at my sentencing trial of murder, kidnapping, rape, blackmail, bomb making, and more based upon nothing but speculation and his own cruel imagination. There was zero evidence of any other crimes other than once forging a roommates check for pizza. (He left me with a huge long-distance phone bill. Which doesn't make it right) I have never hurt anyone in my life, nor ever before been in trouble with the law. But listen to this:</p>Bradley: you plan crimes so you weren't caught, didn't you?<br /><p align="justify">Me: not at all.</p>Bradley: Of course, if we didn't catch you with the others,we don't know, do we?<br /><p align="justify"></p><p align="justify">Me: that's totally false. I have -- that's ridiculous. That's a ridiculous notion. I've never committed any crime other than --</p>Bradley: And someone who wanted to use those kinds of thoughts, if they had that person and they tortured them and they raped them, and nobody knew where they were, and then they wanted to finish them off, and they believe that, they'd have to kill them and bury them, wouldn't they?<br /><p align="justify">Me: I don't understand the question.</p>Bradley: Yeah. And if you're wrong, somebody is dead, right?<br /><p align="justify">Me: that's a very -- I think you're very mean person. I think you know that I'm not this criminal.</p>That's just one example of how things went. There was constant mention of murder, kidnapping, rape, and other horrible, total imaginary crimes. It was a travesty of justice, which is apparently the norm in Texas. Here are just a few more examples from way too many to include here:<br /><p align="justify">Bradley:(regarding probation). That's a very compassionate approach. But in a case like this, with a man like that, that kind of thinking will get someone else killed...</p>... But maybe the most frightening one is the little, what I like to call a rape kit. The detail ought to scare you to death. (This was zip ties, tape, and strain found in the boat/tool bag along with a " bomb! that he knew prior to trial was not in fact a bomb at all.)...<br /><p align="justify">Bradley:... He doesn't leave a trail. I'm not here to say, I can prove everything up. I really don't care how many of you believe or don't believe.</p>Then we have the coup de grace:<br /><p align="justify">Bradley:... what punishment could you possibly have come up with to make sure that person did not kill, hurt, maim, rape, whatever anyone? And there is only one answer. And I ask you to start in this case with a life sentence. If you cannot unanimously agree on that, then moved to 99 and work your way down. But I guarantee you will sleep a lot better, and the world will be a safer place, if Eric Remerowski received a life sentence. Thank you.</p>Unbelievable. In my mind, this was prosecutorial misconduct. But the jury was terrified as intended, and after six hours, returned with a sentence of 50 years. This is clearly excessive, even by Texas standards; and there can be no doubt that I was sentenced for more than just robbery. In nine years of prison, I have yet to meet anyone serving more than 10 to 15 years for robbery as a first offense; some are even sentenced to probation. Only the worst of the worst and habitual offenders are doing the kind of time I received. I know many killers doing much less.<br /><p align="left"></p><p align="left">Unfortunately, I've exhausted all appeals. My only hope now is a commutation (reduction) of sentence. For that to happen, the judge, Dist. Atty. (Bradley), and Sheriff must recommend it to the parole board, who then recommended to the governor.**.</p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">"If there is a witness to my soul, he knows the truth, and I am calm in that judgment."</span></div><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"></span> </p><p align="left">So, anyway, that's my story, as they say, and I'm sticking to it. As I've mentioned before, I feel that my incarceration has been a real blessing overall, for it's allowed me to regain my sobriety, my sanity, and my soul. I've had the opportunity to grow spiritually that I may never have had otherwise. It took about three years to finally get my head on straight, and five to be truly convinced that I'm ready to rejoin society. Now it's just a matter of enduring and hoping and praying for sentence reduction and/or laws to change.</p><p align="left">Currently, I'm not entitled to receive "good - conduct time" applied to my sentence, because my crime is considered "aggravated" due to the gun involved. Aggravated felons in Texas aren't entitled to good time credit and must do at least half their sentence before being considered for parole; and even then, one is likely to be denied and not considered again for another 3 to 5 years. Good conduct time has always existed as an incentive for inmates to behave themselves while in prison, making it easier and everyone involved, especially the staff. To deny it to the supposedly most dangerous and potentially most troublesome prisoners doesn't make sense. Many think, "why behave if it doesn't help me see parole any sooner?" The laws need to change to allow all inmates their good conduct time. Texas Rep. Jim McReynolds, Texas House Corrections Committee, is someone responsible for this issue. A new resolution would help reduce prison overcrowding, reduce costs to the taxpayer, and allow many deserving people the chance to parole and to be reunited with their families.</p><p align="left">I'm always thinking about parole -- about a second chance at life -- and what I'll do once I'm free again, if ever. Besides the basics, like a place to live and a job to get me started, I intend to join a church of some kind and surround myself with good, spiritual people. Finding a good woman, of course, is a must. I'm looking forward to arts and crafts fairs, music concerts, hiking and camping, canoeing, swimming, restaurants and home-cooked meals, and catching up on all the many years of movies I've missed. Once I'm settled, I would also like to volunteer with therapy dogs, taking them to hospitals and nursing homes to cheer people up and boost their recovery, as a dog's unconditional love is so healing and contagious. And eventually I would like to work in transpersonal hypnotherapy and spiritual counseling, mostly for those suffering from addiction and depression.</p><p align="left">You know, I have to admit that sometimes the weight of such a lengthy prison sentence seams like too much to bear, and I think about checking out -- early. Better luck next time, right? After all, were really eternal, spiritual beings who never actually die (a fact, not a belief). But I know that I would ultimately regret it and just be avoiding important lessons that I'd have to make up for in another way. And as difficult as things may be -- as much as we may suffer -- it's all about learning and growing from the experience. So, when I feel low, which is pretty damn often, especially with so much time left to endure, I try to remember that my soul's spiritual evolution is more important than my being free or happy right now. I try to be thankful for the simplest things like my health, clean air, water, food, and the relative luxury of prison life in the United States compared to some other countries or the daily life in the slums of cities around the world. It could be worse, as they say. But, honestly, I'd take freedom in the most impoverished environment over imprisonment in the wealthiest one. I really don't believe there's anything worse than prison -- to be locked away and forgotten.</p><p align="left">Thankfully, I have this blog, and <a href="http://www.mysticministries.org/">Mystic Ministries.org</a>, and all of you out there to give me purpose and meaning in life and a reason to make the most of each day, regardless of my situation. I'd like to instill this same sense of purpose in others. If anything I share can make a difference in someone else's life, then I'm blessed..</p><p align="left">Thanks again for listening and caring. I so appreciate your letters and e-mails. Keep them coming! Bye for now.<br /></p><p align="left">-- Eric<br /></p><p align="left">**If you agree that my sentence is excessive, please let them know. Your letters and e-mails could make all the difference. Feel free to use the prewritten letters, I made about my commutation and good time. The letters are listed on my website <a href="http://www.mysticministries.org/">MysticMinistries.org</a></p><p>The chairman of the house corrections committee is <a href="http://www.house.state.tx.us/members/dist12/mcreynolds.php">Jim McReynolds</a> and <a href="http://www.senate.state.tx.us/75r/Senate/members/dist15/dist15.htm">Senator John Whitmire</a> is the chair of the criminal justice committee.</p>Snail mail goes to: John Bradley and Judge Carnes, Williamson County Courthouse, 405 S. MLK, Georgetown, TX 78626; as well as: Sheriff James Wilson, 508 S. Rock St., Georgetown, TX 78626; and: Parole Board, Box 13401, Austin, TX 78711; and: Gov. Rick Perry, 1100 San Jacinto, Austin, TX 78701. <strong>Thank you!</strong>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-24843455321536218342010-07-04T12:05:00.000-07:002010-07-19T14:40:53.209-07:00What I Can Do<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">"The best service we can provide others is to share what we have learned from our experience."</span></p><div align="center"><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">-- Edgar Cayce</span></div><p>I wish there were something I could say or do to keep someone else from ever coming to prison. It seems too simple a solution to just say, "stay in school; don't drink; don't do drugs." If I was a role model or a person with any kind of influence, then my words might have some impact, but all I have to offer is the fact that I've "been there, done that".</p>I've partied hard with Hells Angels and rock stars, with high society speed freaks and ghetto trash crackheads. I've got down with the best of them and worst, from the country clubs to the truck stops all over the country. I could drink anyone under the table, and still hold UW -- Madison's all-time record for the biggest 4'-- bong hit. I've done more than my share of coke and acid and sampled every other drug on the street more than once (except meth -- I'm not a complete idiot). I'm a virtual connoisseur of everything homegrown and homebrewed. So I know what it's like to have fun and to be high, to be in the fast lane as well as the gutter.<br /><br />I've been one of the most popular kids, if not the coolest dude on the block, as well as a misfit, the loner, the nerd, the total reject; the smartest person in the class and the biggest dumb ass you'd ever care to meet. I've been a swinging single, happily married and painfully divorced. So I may be able to understand your point of view.<br /><br />I've been rich with a fat brokerage account, a yacht, and lines of credit and so poor that I'm scrounging for "Free Coffee" game stickers in the 7-Eleven parking lot every morning and eating out at the Pizza Hut dumpster at night. So unless you're Bill Gates, I can probably relate to your current financial situation.<br /><br />I've experienced great happiness as well as suicidal depression. I know what it's like to feel like life has no meaning, that there's no point to it all anymore; that the world would be better off without me, that life is just too difficult, too cruel, too hopeless...I felt the crippling ocean of despair that feels like a constant crushing weight that won't leave you, that only lets you up long enough to feel the next wave much more strongly, that keeps you in bed or indoors for weeks and months at a time. I know what it's like to be so full of guilt and remorse and self-loathing for so long that it becomes unbearable and you finally get that pistol, sit with it in your mouth, pull back the hammer, put your finger to the trigger, night after night after night. So, if you're in that place, I can relate and I can feel your pain.<br /><br />But most importantly, I think, I've experienced both addiction and recovery. I know what it's like to lose control of my drug and alcohol use and feel powerless to do anything about it, to make so many heartfelt promises and failed attempts to quit that it eventually seems pointless to even try anymore. I know what it's like to get physically sick when the stuff runs out and just how horribly bad it feels. I know how it is to make your addiction more important than your bills, your rent, food, family, friends. I know, I know... I've experienced all the highs and all the lows and every place in between. And, believe it or not, up to the very end, as extremely <span style="text-decoration: underline;">f$%*ed</span> up as I really knew I was, after repeatedly ruining every aspect of my life, I could not admit that I had a problem and that I was indeed an alcoholic/addict. My ego just wouldn't allow that conclusion, saying, "I'm in control; everything is okay; just a bump in the road; no worries." Even later, in jail, I still refused to face the truth. I eventually had to be dragged kicking and screaming, so to speak, to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting there. And it's a good thing.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><em><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><br />"Fortune may yet have a better success in reserve for you. Those who lose today may win tomorrow."<br />-- Cervantes</span></em><br /></div><br />First, those AA meetings showed me that lots of other people had it too. The same problem; there were lots of people I could talk with about it without feeling weak or stupid. For the most part, they were all going through the same things physically and mentally without their drugs of choice. But there were some who had gone months and even years without and who seemed to have kicked the habit for good, and those people were true inspirations. If they could do it, so could I. And AA's "blue book" had even more great stories of people overcoming their addictions. I could relate to those people, and because they had all gone through the same sort of hell, I could respect their advice. Here's basically what they told me:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">(1) Realize that although you have a serious problem to deal with, you can and will overcome it as many others have.<br /><br />(2) Don't let your pride get in the way of your success.This was a big problem for me. Accept help from whoever and wherever it comes. There a lot of people who really want to help you and who you'll make very happy by allowing them to do so -- it's their purpose and joy, don't deny them this. Besides, you really do need it. Just ask, and get ready for "Thank you!" to be your most used phrase from now on. </div><br />(3) A support group of some kind, like new friends from AA, is important, especially at first. Call them whenever you need/want to talk, and encourage them to do the same. Put them on speed dial. Listen, and actually take whatever device they may give. Then, as soon as you feel you're able, be a mentor to someone who is going through what you just did. Always remember that other people are looking up to you and relying on your strength and conviction also. As a fellow alcoholic/addict, I can say that your support group is really worldwide and that we're all in this together.<br /><p></p><p>(4) Get some spirituality in your life. Just consider the idea that there may be a Higher Power in existence that you're just not yet aware of and that this Force can maybe help you overcome the addiction. This was relatively new for me, because I already had discarded the notion of a God or anything heavenly like that years ago. But someone suggested that I consider it as a higher "Self" or something <strong>within </strong>me that was greater than my ego and physical body -- some as yet untapped portion of my being that I could put in control of my life instead.</p><p>(Just try this , okay? Close your eyes and picture a bright, shining, silver and gold light, like a small sun, inside yourself. Focus on this light, which, let's say, is your true spiritual Self and intimately connected with the Divine, and imagine it radiating light and love throughout your being; filling every cell in your body and extending out 3 feet in every direction, so that you are shining like a star. <strong>Feel</strong> the love and power that is your Higher Self. Let this divine light cleanse you and heal you entirely. Relax in the healing light for as long as you like. This is the "White Light" meditation I practice often. It really works because it's real: your Higher Self is fact ,not fantasy.<br /></p><p></p>(5) And here's some advice of my own that I don't think is mentioned often enough,: get some serious medical attention as soon as possible. (If I had done so, just two weeks earlier, I wouldn't be in prison today.) As much as I don't care for pharmaceutical drugs in general, which can be just as habit-forming and detrimental as the street variety, as an alcoholic or drug addict, your body and brain are extremely screwed up right now, whether you realize it or not, and there are good medications available that can help you overcome your addiction without the usual problems, setbacks, or suffering experienced. I recommend getting medical help for the physical withdrawal symptoms and cravings in order to better deal with the mental side of things, which are considerable enough in their own right. Speaking of which, some of these medications treat the psychological aspects of addiction as well. Definitely look into it. Even if you don't need much help, maybe a friend or a family member does.<br /><p></p>Ideally, I think that it's best to be put into a purposefully -- induced coma for a couple of months or so until the worst of the physical and mental withdrawal symptoms run their course. A bit extreme for some people no doubt, but it's my understanding that an approach similar to this is being done somewhere for heroin addicts, using special medications to quickly cleanse the person's body as they sleep for about a week. The addict awakens with no real physical issues to deal with them can better get on with their recovery. I like it. All our hospitals and treatment centers need to adopt this method; we need to do what works, what gets proven results.<br /><p></p><p>Still, the problem isn't with the medical rehabilitation fields or with society or with anyone but the addict. Each of us is responsible for own recovery. Fortunately, all the information and resources we need can be found on the Internet these days (try Hazelden.org as a start). All it takes is this decision and commitment -- the courage -- to do what you know in your heart is the right thing to do.</p><p align="center"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">He said, "Come to the edge." They said, "It's too far." He said, "Come to the edge." They said, "It's too high." He said, "Come to the edge." They said, "We might fall." He said, "Come to the edge." They came... He pushed them. And they flew.</span></p><p align="center"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"></span></p><p>The best advice I can offer anyone is to find some purpose and meaning in their life. How can you help? Are there any good causes you believe strongly in? Any organizations you'd like to volunteer your time and efforts to? The important thing for all of us is to put the focus on others rather than ourselves. We all need to overcome selfishness and self-centeredness more than anything else in life. For anyone suffering from addiction or depression, which go hand in hand, I see take a look around and notice all those people suffering even more than yourself in countless ways. No matter how bad off, you may be, there's always someone doing worse. How can you help? Often all it takes is making the effort to talk, to listen, and to show you care.</p><p></p><p>Do you care? Yes, of course you do. Perhaps you care too much, you think, and that is why you're so depressed in the first place: because the world's problems are just too big and too many; because there doesn't seem to be any solutions; because it's also hopeless; because one small person like yourself can't make a difference. Or perhaps you're so full of self-hatred and discussed that you think anything you did to help would only make matters worse. Maybe you feel that, ultimately, none of it really matters anyway. I can relate; I once felt the same way. I felt overwhelmed by the world, and the hopelessness and meaningless of it all seemed like too much to bear. My depression was so great that it took every effort just to leave the apartment most days, let alone go out and volunteer somewhere. Besides, I was always drunk or stoned and couldn't very well help anybody in that state.</p><p>But I was wrong. I wasn't thinking correctly; I was just making excuses. I used the problems of the world and my regrets as an excuse for my depression and alcoholism. I used my depression and addiction as an excuse for my laziness and self-centeredness. All I really cared about was me, me, me. I was too egotistical to admit that I was an addict and too proud to seek <strong>help</strong>-- until it was too late.</p><p>Please learn from my mistakes: stay in school; don't drink; don't do drugs. But if it's too late for any of that and you think you may have a problem, then do something about it <strong>right now. </strong>I can promise you that your life does have a <strong>huge </strong>purpose and meaning. And that to recognize that purpose you need to be clean and sober. I can promise you that being clean and sober is 1 billion times better than being <span style="text-decoration: underline;">f$%*ed</span> up all the time. And, as impossible as it may seem right now, I can promise that you can get there in three months. If you really want to. Just follow the advice here and read at least the first three books on my required reading list. Go to <a href="http://www.blogger.com/">MysticMinistries.org</a> Okay? Also, know that you've got a friend in me and that you can write/e-mail me anytime. I look forward to celebrating your success with you!</p><p>Thanks for listening and caring. Bye for now.</p><p>-- Eric</p>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-86843824298548721762010-07-04T10:24:00.000-07:002010-07-08T20:25:43.032-07:00Reality<div align="center"><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"></span> </div><div style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" align="center"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">"</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">Nothing is so firmly believed as that which is least known."</span></div><div style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" align="center"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">_Montaigne</span></div><br />The first step is to admit you have a problem. Put the remote down and step away from the television. Each night's marathon of crime shows -- all the countless variations of "CSI" and "Law and Order" -- are destroying our society sense of reality. They're pure fantasy, and so far from the truth that it would be laughable if people weren't taking their "as seen on TV" concepts of the criminal justice system into the jury box with them. In TV land, besides being so damn good-looking, the police spend plenty of time and effort on each case, using high-tech methods and equipment hardly dreamed of by the CIA. They actually seem to care about putting the right person behind bars rather than just obtaining a conviction. In Hollywood, judges are wise and just and neutral to both sides, prosecutors are always the good guys who don't lie and cheat to "win"; public defenders really go to the mat for their clients and are never, in fact, in the DA's pocket, and suspects are always guilty and punished fairly.<br />The reality is so much different. Police departments don't have the manpower and resources to dedicate exclusively to anyone case, yet alone manage their enormous daily workloads. Trials are so heavily skewed in the prosecution's favor as to render them fundamentally unfair."Innocent until proven guilty" is a myth. Politics, not justice, rules, the court room these days. Being "tough on crime" is all that matters anymore.<br /><br />But it's our own fault; we've traded truth and justice for shock and awe, for entertainment value. Society has become enamored with crime and violence, fascinated by it, and at the same time more afraid of it than ever. The actual crime rate has fallen or remained the same for the past 30 years or so, crime reporting in the news has increased 100 fold, and people have been gleefully convinced that crime is burgeoning, that sexual predators roam their streets, and that their neighbor is a sociopath. Everyone is suspect.<br /><br />But I believe that people usually accuse others of what they themselves harbor in the darkest recesses of their minds; and there can be no doubt that people's minds today have been seriously twisted by the huge amounts of violence and crime we're being fed: from the countless crime novels and "true crime" books published each month, to the myriad of television crime dramas and violent movies produced every week, to the graphically violent video/computer games being cranked out by the millions, to the days news' crime reporting each day- were being inundated with negative images. As a result, we've become more and more immune to the lesser forums' ability to affect us and entertain us, so it takes harsher, more graphic and disturbing material to do the trick. And, of course, big business delivers. After all, it's what we want, right? Crime and violence is obviously a favorite subject; the sales figures don't lie.<br /><br />As an exercise, count how many guns you see on television in one evening. At the bookstore, count how many are about serial killers of some kind. And how many video/computer games have the objective to blow someone's/something's head off? Is it any wonder that, discounting those places with wars being fought, the United States is by far the most crime obsessed and violent country in the world with the greatest percentage of its citizens in prison?<br /><br />Mass media, including the news, will shape the way we think and the way society acts, as long as we remain unaware and complacent and refuse to make our objections heard. The easiest person to control is the one who doesn't realize he's being controlled. Turn off your television; there's a reason they call it the "idiot box". Try to watch only positive, uplifting shows/movies. Choose only positive and educational reading material. Play only positive video/computer games, if you have to play them <u>at</u> all. Be selective and wary of what you watch and read. Take back control of what you put into your mind.<br /><br />The fantasy world of crime and violence may be exciting, but the reality of it is something you <strong><em>never </em></strong>want to experience personally. It is not a game; there is no reset button. It's is not a movie; you are not Scarface or James Bond. Also, take it from someone who knows: drug and alcohol are responsible for most all of crime and violence. So as fun and exciting as they may seem, please leave them out of your life entirely.<br /><br />Understand, too, that the real world of crime and violence is really no more pervasive than it ever has been. In many ways, it's less. It's the exception, not the rule, and lies on the fringe of society where it belongs. There's no need to be more "tough on crime" than in years past; and there's no need to punish people any more severely today. If anything, we need to be more understanding and caring about the causes of most crime, which, again, is drug and alcohol abuse/addiction, and focus instead on "tough love" when it comes to treatment and rehabilitation.<br /><br />I wish that the real world sometimes did work like it does on television, but that just isn't the case. The sad truth is that our judicial system is just as corrupt and self-serving as our political system. Believe it or not, police and prosecutors often lie at trial. They withhold evidence favorable to the defendant and fabricate evidence against. And court-appointed "defense" attorneys are no less guilty, making backroom deals and serving their clients heads to the prosecution on a silver platter. They do it because the numbers of people being arrested and processed every day, for whatever reasons, are enormous, and it's just not feasible to grant a fair and complete hearing to each and every one of them. They do it because it's easier. They do it for political reasons, to boost their careers. They do it to purge society of the filth and trash they feel is lurking around every corner. They do it for a sense of empowerment in a dog eat dog world. They do it because they can.<p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-size:100%;" ></span></p><p align="left"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-size:100%;" >When establishing the framework of our country's legal system, one of the founding fathers said something to the effect of, "it's better that a dozen guilty men go free than one innocent man be imprisoned wrongfully" and rules of law were set in place to prevent that from happening. Today, however, all it takes is an accusation to be thrown in jail. No evidence is required to be sentenced to life in prison. Simply being called a murderer or worse by the district attorney is enough for any jury these days. After all, an elected official wouldn't lie to us, would he ?</span></p><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-size:100%;" >Being the good citizens, they are, a jury will always give the state the benefit of any doubt. The threat of a jury trial is always used when negotiating a plea bargain: "take this 15 years or I'll make sure the jury gives you 50" because juries aren't professionals; they have no idea what the "going rate" is, say, for robbery as a first -- ever offense and where no one was hurt. If the prosecutor says 50, then it must be 50. They have n no idea that many others are offered 10 years or less for the same offense, or that two others recently signed for 25 years for eight counts of robbery.</span><p></p><p>Sorry to dash your TV land, fairytale perceptions against the rocks, but this is the way it works in the real world. It's nothing personal -- someone has to go down for the crime, and it may as well be you. Your name/reputation will be dragged through the mud and you'll be portrayed as the worst person imaginable in order to influence the jury against you in sentencing. "Isn't it true that you killed a man with your bare hands?" (No. ) "Isn't it true that you had a plan to kidnap someone and hold them for ransom?" ( No...) and " Isn't true that you raped that woman?" (What woman? What are you talking about?! ) All baseless accusations, but for the jury, those bells have been rung, and there's no taking 'em back; those ideas/images have taken hold, despite your objections. In fact, the more you vehemently deny such unfounded allegations, the more guilty you seem: and of course the prosecution knows this. Plus, false and misleading "evidence" will be used against you, such a as a "Bomb"and a "Rape Kit", for example, which , of course , are nothing of the sort. Also, expert witnesses will testify that you have absolutely no conscience and cannot be rehabilitated, even though they've never met you and were just called at eight o'clock that morning to review your file. But even if you're able to overcome such treatment and be vindicated, the whole experience, lasting many months sometimes, is extremely dramatic. More than likely, the local news and Internet have shared every sordid detail, including the lies -- especially the lies -- with the world.</p><p></p><p>Of course, if you're guilty, you deserve to be punished, but at trial it's unlikely you'll be sentenced only for the crime you committed but for the extra half dozen other more horrible offenses the prosecutor has accused you of. The fact that there is no shred of evidence for any other crimes, that they are all just creations of his own cruel imagination, make no difference whatsoever. At trial, conviction alone is not enough: the greater the punishment, the greater the sentence, the greater the victory. So although this may be your first ever offense, the prosecutor will seek a life sentence based on all the "extraneous" crimes he was able to "prove up" by his word alone. And the jury, doing their part to make the world a safer place, and plainly terrified of the monster you most certainly are, will oblige him.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, please keep all this in mind if ever you find yourself in the jury box with someone's life in your hands.</p><p>Thanks, as always, for listening and caring. Bye for now. -- Eric</p>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-12481101655107324092010-06-18T20:57:00.000-07:002010-07-04T10:02:40.379-07:00The Monastic Life<div align="center"><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,0,0)">People asking questions, lost in confusion; I tell them there's no problems, only solutions. They shake their heads and look at me as if I've lost my mind; I tell them there's no hurry, I'm just sitting here doing time.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,0,0)">-John Lennon,"Watching the Wheels"</span></div><div align="center"><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,0,0)"></span></div><div align="center"></div><div align="left">I live the life of a monk, albeit a more dangerous and profoundly more depressing one ( the life, not monk). The majority of my days are spent in meditation and prayer. If I'm not contemplating my navel, I'm chanting or standing on my head. Not really, but you get the idea. There's really not a whole lot else to do: wake up, do yoga/workout, meditate, go to chow; read/study, meditate, go to chow; read/study, meditate, right, sleep; wake up... day after day after day for months, then years.<br /><br /></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">It might not seem so bad when looked at objectively, I suppose, but notice all that's missing : the love of a good woman (shoot, after nine years, I'd take a bad one right now ), good friends, music, laughter, being in nature, sunshine, animals, swimming, hiking, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">canoeing</span>, meaningful work, culture, variety, choice, fun, freedom -- insert your favorite things here. Also, we haven't factored in, the constant noise, violence, filth, stench, lack of privacy, cruel and demoralizing guards, tear gas, handcuffs, strip searches, staph infections, etc.nor the anger, frustration, and hopelessness that permeates every cell.<br /><br /></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">Still, there's plenty of time to think. Each of us in prison spends countless hours contemplating our crimes and every other mistake we've made in our lives, no matter how small or inconsequential at the time. We relive them in painstaking detail and feel remorse for each one. Those scenes are replayed over and over, sometimes for many years, until we can finally forgive ourselves. We <strong>all </strong>do this, despite any outside appearance to the contrary. The younger "warrior" monks with energy to burn and things to prove, tend to have a harder time settling down, but they too, have plenty of time in their bunks to think and reflect, and before they leave(if ever), are better for it.</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">For many of us, the monastic life lends itself to studying: philosophy, scripture, science, history, literature, and anything else we can get our hands on. Those with the inclination become scholars. And although it will likely help in finding a job someday, it does make for a more interesting and well-rounded convict. Then again, my future work in hypnotherapy and counseling will be the result of all I've studied and learned while in prison, and, of course, there are the various trades learned here, like welding, carpentry, electrical work (is my choice) and diesel mechanics, even if it is just the basics.<br /><br /></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">But a monk's main aim is to develop spiritually. At some point, the time spent thinking and studying becomes time spent meditating and praying. And it does take time. There's a necessary process one must go through -- a profound quieting of the mind -- before being able to truly commune with the Divine. This is usually pretty difficult at first, sometimes requiring years of effort; but once a certain point is reached, the progress snowballs and a person makes leaps and bounds towards enlightenment. Enlightenment is personally experiencing the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">superconscious</span> state where one connects with their higher, truly spiritual self. It's what it's all about.</div><div align="left"></div><p>For the prison monk, meditation is also a way to escape beyond the walls and razor wire, even if only for a short time. This is a nice bonus of sorts and the reason some inmates first get started. Plus, it can also be a better high than the than one could ever find otherwise; being connected with the Divine is a euphoric feeling, and there's no greater experience of Unity and Love possible on this physical plane. But the most tangible benefit is the insight gained into the true nature of reality: the oneness we all share and our existence as eternal, spiritual beings, currently having a physical adventure on Earth. Obtaining such knowledge seriously transforms lives and is the biggest reason of all to meditate.</p><p></p><p>Imagine if everyone had such an experience. What if each of us could gain first-hand knowledge of the existence of God/Creator/Source and the divine realm of angels, guides, and fellow spirits/souls by personally experiencing it in the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">superconscious</span> state? Well, let me tell you: we would all treat each other better; we'd make the most of our short lives; we'd better understand and bear our suffering; and we wouldn't be at all afraid to die. Plus, the crime rates everywhere would drop like rocks and recidivism would be nil. Pretty cool, huh?</p><p></p><p>Those of us in prison fortunate enough to have so much time to meditate and who've been blessed with such an enlightening experience simply aren't capable of committing any further crime. We've literally seen the light and our lives are forever changed. We realize now that love would be the basis for every thought, word, and deed. And I., for one, intend to share my experiences and teach as many other people as possible -- within prison and without -- how to meditate and discover the divine for themselves. Hence, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">MysticMinistries</span>.org. Check it out.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, I think a lot of people believe that meditation and enlightenment and God or the Divine realm is a bunch of baloney. I certainly did, before I became a scholar monk. They may dismiss my own accounts and all of those throughout history as mere fantasy, mental derangement, or New Age wackiness. However, besides experiencing it for oneself, the proof is there for anyone to study if they care to make the effort and aren't afraid of being wrong for once. See my recommended book list at <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">MysticMinistries</span>.org</p><p>And yes, granted, the number of prison inmates or anyone today for that matter, who've actually transcended the material world, however briefly, is relatively few. Still, what matters most is being on the path -- to being dedicated to a spiritual life. Those who make Love the basis of their every thought, word and deed can't go wrong. Easy to say, of course, but harder to do. And although we will slip up from time to time, our sincere effort and intent will keep us in grace and on the right track. So, even if one doesn't have the opportunity or desire to meditate that much, it's still possible to live as though enlightened. And many in prison have discovered this path and are walking it daily.</p><p></p><p align="center"><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,153,0)">Penitentiary: 1. a place for penitents and spiritual reflection; 2. a warehouse for the living dead -- </span></p><p align="center"><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,153,0)"></span></p><p>The point I'm trying to make and will keep trying to make, is that prison experience is conducive to spiritual growth and that they're a great many good, decent people rotting away needlessly in small cement boxes all over the country, who have more than atoned for their sins and deserve a second chance at life. Redemption is real. People can change; they can learn from their mistakes and become better people for them.</p><p>Our prisons are full of nonviolent first-time offenders who are being punished excessively. Instead of locking these people away forever or for too long, i.e. out of sight, out of mind, we need to acknowledge their commitment to self-improvement into a new, spiritual way of living and reduce their sentences as well is give them the opportunity to prove themselves by putting them back into society. In return, these parolees should be required to participate in local community service and public works projects as a way to repay society, as well as foster responsibility, purpose, and positive relationships in their lives. Some could be required to enlist in the armed forces for a while. These people could be real benefit to society rather than the burden they are.</p><p></p><p>Besides the moral and ethical reasons for commuting the sentences of role model prisoners, there are plenty of economic ones to consider. It costs taxpayers something like $40,000 per year to incarcerate someone. In Texas multiply that by about 170,000 souls. That's $6 billion per year -- each and every year.</p><p></p><p>Then again, the prison industry is supposedly a huge money maker for private industry utilizing slave labor, especially in Texas. Or maybe it's the prison personnel unions who have the most to gain. I really have no idea. The Sentencing Project.org is a good source for information about the prison industry as an big business. The Texas Department of Corrections is the state's largest agency with a budget to match.</p><p></p><p>One thing is certain: too many good people are suffering too long in prison while their families suffer with them. In too many cases, nonviolent first-time offenders are being punished too harshly and being denied parole for no good reason, specially in Texas. Currently in Texas, one person can be sentenced to five years in prison while another serves 99 years or life for the same crime. "Five to life" is hardly a sentencing guideline; it is unjust and immoral and does more harm than good. Also in Texas, during the sentencing phase of the trial, the prosecution is allowed to accuse a person of as many additional extraneous crimes as they'd like without the need for any evidence whatsoever. For example, I am serving a 50 year sentence for my first-ever offense, robbery, where no one was hurt. I was a suicidal alcoholic at the time and had sought psychiatric help, only days before. An overzealous prosecutor demanded a life sentence and was was within his legal rights to do so. He portrayed <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">me</span> as a violent career criminal based on nothing but speculation and his own wild imagination. There was no evidence of any such crimes. I have never hurt anyone in my life, nor ever before been in trouble with the law.</p><p>Why is Texas allowed to get away with this? Are there federal laws in place to prevent such a travesty of justice? <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Nope'fraid</span> not. Apparently, Texas is a country unto itself and can do as it damn well pleases. Perhaps your state has a similar complex. I'd suggest we all contact your representatives, but I've completely lost all faith in government and the entire judicial system.</p><p>Anyway, bitching and moaning aside, I can thank God every day for my arrest, for it literally saved my life and allowed me to regain my sobriety, my sanity, my soul. Who knows how long I would've continued being the alcoholic ass I was. Everything is for a reason, I believe, and I doubt that I would ever become as spiritually aware and blessed as I am today, otherwise.</p><p></p><p>Which brings us back to the main point. My conclusion here. A timeout behind bars can be just what a person needs to get their life back on track. The public needs to recognize this and understand that there are many good, decent people in prison; they are not all to be feared and despised as tends to be the case. There are veritable saints inside who could be doing a world of good if given the chance. Also, once again too many of these people are being imprisoned for too long. Lengthy sentences need to be reconsidered and reduced, and qualified inmates need to be paroled.</p><p>However, the parole system in Texas and perhaps throughout the country is broken. Societiy is too afraid and unprepared to except former prisoners back into the fold. Large numbers of those who should be released are too daunting. But a much larger number of parolees can successfully reenter society if a comprehensive investment and effort is made in renovating the parole system. Rather than spend even more taxpayer dollars on prisons, we need to invest in reintegration services like transitional housing, education, work programs and drug and alcohol treatment that better serve and more directly affect society. As in medicine, prevention is paramount, of course, the treatment i.e. rehabilitation and reintegration, is just as important.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, final word before I go: regarding your attitude towards prisoners and parolees in general, please lose the fear. I can promise you that prison monks make role model citizens and great neighbors.</p><p>Thanks again for reading and caring. Bye for now, -- Eric</p>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-1398933107841623702010-06-18T08:16:00.000-07:002010-07-04T12:04:50.133-07:00Club Clements<div align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="COLOR: rgb(102,0,204)">" Si non caste tamen cante.(If you can't be good, be careful.)"<br />_St. Paul</span>.<br /></span><br /></div>Welcome to Club Clements! Don't want to work? -- Or pay rent? -- Bills? Want zero responsibilities? Then this is the place for you! Homosexual? Sadomasochist? Perfect, you'll never want to leave! To qualify for membership, simply smoke a joint in church, date a cop's wife, or steal a car (preferably with the owner inside). For deluxe accommodations at one of our facilities, just rob a bank.<br />Whether you're your a real-life "gangsta" or the average thug from the hood, you'll find plenty to do here. Hustlin's still the name of the game. Weed,tobacco, pills and cell phones are big sellers -- with an even bigger profit margin! And you pimps will find all the punks you can handle. For those of you riding solo(unaffiliated), we have a charming protective custody wing. Chess sets and dominoes are available at the commissary, and day room televisions are pre-tuned to all day Jerry Springer.<br /><br />When packing for your visit, don't forget to leave everything behind.You won't need it here,- whatever it is. Remember: we take care of everything! All guests receive a pair of black, ass-kicking army boots, and each day you'll be issued a freshly laundered white shirt, white pants, white boxers, and a great pair of socks, along with a towel and sliver of soap. Fresh sheets are provided every week, as well as your very own roll of toilet paper, tooth powder, and razor. Then during the winter months, enjoy the comforts of a thin, scratchy faux-wool blanket and green nylon jacket. What more could you ask for?<br /><br />And for the gourmet, we offer a plethora of tasty nutritious dishes to satisfy even the most discerning palate. Are you currently starving on the streets? Get your fill here at Club Clements! Eating too much of that rich restaurant fare? The Clements Unit Diet will get you lean and mean! We have three scrumptious meals a day: for breakfast (3 AM), it's pancakes or eggs with oatmeal or grits: then for lunch and dinner, it's a magical combination of beans and rice or potatoes, corn and collard greens or squash, and either an all-purpose meat patty, hot dogs, chicken patty, pork patty, pork chop, pork loaf, shredded pork, pork and noodles, beef and noodles, baloney, tuna or peanut butter sandwich. Special desserts are offered twice! each week. No salads or fresh fruit. You get an apple or orange at Christmas. And guess who does the dishes? That's right, not you!<br /><br />Reserve your suite today! Just imagine living in your bathroom, only smaller. But there will be an extra bunk, because we'll be matching you with the perfect roommate! Someone who's sure to drive you absolutely crazy, because after all, it's all about building character, right?<br /><br />And Clements is such a wonderful place to make friends! Come to learn and grow with your peers. If you don't already know how to hotwire a car or cook up a batch of methamphetamine, you will before you leave. Never been in a fist fight? Practice daily! And for the majority of our guests who can't read or write, our " Gangsta Sign and Scribble"course is very popular. Plus, a shout out to all the future rap stars out there: here is where reps get made,ya dig? Develop and add beatbox skills 24/7! Holla-holla all night long! Learn from the pros!<br /><br />Our caring and conscientious staff are waiting to greet you. Let us treat you with the respect you deserve. All our employees are specially trained to teach you lessons in humility, patience, and anger management -- because your personal growth is our greatest concern.<br /><br />Special needs? No problem, we're here to please! Our medical facilities are state of the art, so we've got you covered. Stab wounds and staph infections are our specialties. No insurance necessary! Are you a bit loony? Criminally insane? Welcome to the Club! Create your own exotic medley of psych drugs and join our elite corps of walking zombies.<br /><br />Registration is easy: simply confess your crime to a "friend" or neighbor who will receive $1000 for helping you enroll in the system. A friendly squad of uniform professionals will come to collect you. Your stay can be for as little or as long as you like. Our lucky winner may receive five years while another gets 99 years, for exactly the same crime! ( Texas residents only, see details). Regardless, extended stays are easily arranged.<br /><br />So, say goodbye to all your worries and cares, to all those annoying friends and family members. Choose a future with Club Clements! After all, isn't it time you, too, live off the taxpayer's dime for change?<br /><br />{This ad brought to you by the prison industry and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of this blog -- E.R.}<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; COLOR: rgb(51,255,51)">"<span style="color:#6600cc;">They say the best men are molded out of faults, and, for the most, become much more the better for being a little bad."<br /></span></div><p align="center"><span style="font-size:85%;color:#6600cc;"><em>-- <span style="color:#6600cc;">Shakespeare,"Measure for Measure "</span></em></span></p>When I first came to prison, I wished a bomb would drop to wipe the whole place off the face of the earth -- one for every unit in the System. I'd gladly make the sacrifice. The world would be a much better place, I thought, without such trash -- such horrible, horrible people -- every being let out of here again to pollute society.<br /><br /><p>But now I know that hopeless cases are the exception rather than the rule. In fact, I truly believe that each and every person is salvageable. However, some are just so instantly unlikable and obviously evil that it seems impossible and certainly not worth the effort to change them.</p>Then again,"bad" and "evil" are relative terms. For the most part, it's simply a matter of ignorance and selfishness -- or insanity. Or it could just be a difference in culture and upbringing. For many of these guys, being a gangster or street thug is what everybody aspires to in their neighborhood. Seriously.<br /><br /><p>This gangster culture is a plague on society, and one reason why our prisons are busting at the seams. Drug and alcohol abuse, wanton sex and criminal behavior is glorified. Education and morality take a far back seat to being cool and tough and "respected". Goodness is associated with weakness. Violence in words or deeds, is part of everyday life. "Survival of the fittest" is the ruling philosophy and to hell with anyone else, especially those outside their pack. Racism is a given.</p><p> </p><p>I've shared prison cells with Bloods, Crips, White Knights, Mandingo Warriors, Tongo Blasts, Banditos, Mexican Mafia, Texas Syndicate, Aryan Brotherhood, and others; and they all boast about making easy money, doing drugs, getting laid, and raising hell; but when it comes to the deeper reasons for joining their gangs, it's always the same: they want friends and "family", they want to feel needed and appreciated, they want security and protection, they want to be part of something greater than themselves, and they all want meaning in their lives.</p>There will always be gangs, because there were always be youngsters and those of all ages who seek to belong and have purpose in their lives. And of course some will always have the desire to raise hell and make a fast buck.<br /><p>Individual counseling has some success, but to really solve the problems of gang violence and crime there needs to be a huge change in ideology in their neighborhoods and culture. And that has to happen from within: they need to do something about it themselves, as any overt outside influence is seen as an insult or threat, or typically, "square". So it's up to the leaders of their own communities to effect the change needed.</p>As long as the gangsta life is promoted and glorified in popular music and the media, our prisons will continue to be inundated him and with ass holes and fools. As long as kids grow up believing that society holds them a living, that government exists to be taken advantage of and that an honest days work is for chumps, then generation after generation will continue to fuel the prison industry. As long as these" tough guys" remain clueless as to what life is really about, as long as they put a priority on "bling"and "ho's" and the material possessions, they'll continue down the same sorry road they think leads to riches.<br /><br /><p>More than anything else, they're ignorant(not necessarily stupid), which is the ultimate factor in their being" bad". For many, the "thug life" is all they know. They're either not aware of anything better, or they've been conditioned not to strive for anything better. They have an extremely limited worldview. However, although it is a reason, ignorance can't be excused, because as human beings(actually a spiritual beings), we all have an innate sense of right and wrong built-in.</p>It's selfishness -- self-centeredness -- that really corrupts us, that goes to the very core of being a bad person. And this, of course, is prevalent at every level of society. Having a total disregard for anyone but oneself is the hallmark of a criminal, whether in the hood or on Wall Street. In every drug addict and alcoholic is just as guilty of selfishness, if not the worst offender.<br /><br />As obvious as this may seem to you, the concept of selfishness being the root of all evil, totally blew my mind when I was first introduced to it in Alcoholics Anonymous in my first year in prison. I had been a self-centered jerk for years without realizing it. I had the same attitude of "looking out for number one" and "every man for himself" as a typical street thug. But I was ignorant of my selfishness, as I think many people are. I had no idea what a problem I really had.<br /><br />But why should anyone <strong>care</strong> whether they are selfish or not? That's the big question. And it's the ignorance of the answer to this that is the big problem. For too many people, there is the unanswered and unasked question: "why be good"?. And I believe it's our obligation, as those who know the answer, to share it with as many other people as possible, especially those in prison or in danger of going there someday.<br /><br /><p>Food for thought. Discuss it amongst yourselves, and drop me a line, please. Thanks again for listening and caring. Bye for now.<br /></p><br />-- EricEric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917105344696889925.post-76015234255094735212010-06-02T13:56:00.000-07:002010-10-10T12:32:33.414-07:00IntroductionWhat can I say? Prison sucks. This is the last place you ever want to be, even for one day. So, please, don't screw up.<br /><br />However this blog isn't to bash the prison system or to complain about inhumane living conditions or being treated like garbage every minute of every day. It's not to rant and rave about Texas' criminal justice system, unscrupulous prosecutors, or uncaring public "defense" attorneys. Rather, it's meant to focus on the <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">positive</span> aspects of the prison experience.<br /><br />In fact, I believe everyone should be locked up for a while. Everyone needs to spend a few years in a 5' x 9' cement box along with a 400 lb. flatulent lunatic who thinks you're just the cutest thing. Everyone needs to be beat down and humiliated each day by petty tyrants in uniform. Everyone needs to lose everything they own, their family and friends. And here's why:<br /><br />The vast majority of people don't appreciate what they already have; they take their lives for granted. I know I sure did. We can all recognize the simple truths: that material things are overrated, that people/relationships are what matter most, that Love is the answer - and preach them vociferously, but until one is faced with real tragedy, real loss, they're just platitudes. Tragedy etches them onto your soul forever. And prison is one hell of a tragedy for everyone involved.<br /><br />Once you've been in prison. your freedom is especially cherished; and, again, it's the simplest things that are missed most: the freedom to walk to the store, to drive across town to visit a friend, to wear what you want, eat what you want, speak what and when you want - even the freedom to be what you want. To be poor and homeless is preferable to being locked away and forgotten.<br /><br />However, on the plus side, prison is a serious time out. It's an opportunity to re-adjust, re-assess, and get your priorities straight. It's a chance to recover from addiction and regain your sanity. It's a good time to look over your entire life, relive every mistake you have ever made, no matter how small, and feel remorse for each one. It's a time to meditate and pray.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,153,0)">"Perhaps some of us have to go through dark and</span><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,153,0)">devious ways before we can find the river of Peace</span><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,153,0)">or the Highroad to the souls destination."</span><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,153,0)">-- Joseph Conrad</span><br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left">The result of all this contemplation and soul searching is a better person. However, timing is everything: sentences can be either too long or too short, and it depends on the person as well as the crime. For example, a chronic alcoholic or drug addict may need three years in prison to recover, even if they were arrested for something relatively minor. But, regardless, no one should have to spend more than ten years behind bars for their first ever offense, except for the most heinous crimes. Ten years in prison is infinitely longer than ten years in the free world. And too long a sentence can do much more harm than good. There's a point where the anger and frustration at the injustice of an excessive sentence or denial of parole may outweigh whatever positive strides are made. That's if there's an attempt to change in the first place, because someone facing 50 years or a life sentence may see no reason to become a better person. Also, spending too much time locked away makes it that much more difficult, if not impossible, to reintegrate back into society.<br /><br />For the newcomer, it becomes immediately obvious that prison is a place of tremendous ignorance and violence; and it takes a real and sustained effort to rise above it all. It can easily kill the goodness in you, if you let it. Once someone makes the decision and is determined to overcome it all to become a better person in this hellhole, they are on the "fast track" of spiritual evolution. Few other situations/environments offer so many tests and challenges on a daily -- hourly! -- basis. The lessons are the same as anywhere else: forgiveness, tolerance, compassion, kindness, gratitude, patience, etc. -- but here they come at you fast and furious. To constantly forgive the unforgivable, and to someday lose your ego in a place so full of inflated ones, is a real accomplishment.<br /><br />Fear is the first and most difficult thing to overcome. But, in time, you come to realize that some of the meanest, scariest characters you're ever likely to meet are actually good, decent people -- that everyone, no matter how twisted and cruel sometimes, wants to be a good person; it's just that some don't know how to go about it. And perhaps they, too, are afraid associating goodness with weakness; perhaps they're compensating for insecurities and self hatred.<br /><br />Some may call the notion that all people are essentially good at their core naive or foolish. But spend enough time in a maximum-security prison and you'll meet the most hardened criminals, the so-called worst (if you're lucky you can even share a cell with them for a while), and you'll find that they are thinking, feeling human beings just like yourself, albeit with some "issues" and a certain lack of impulse control. They regret their mistakes, and they really do want and often try to be "good".<br /><br />Unfortunately, many inmates are just plain crazy. The penitentiary can seem like a looney bin at times. The majorly whacko are medicated into oblivion, like shuffling zombies, which is pretty common as there isn't the staff or resources to properly treat them. These poor souls need to be institutionalized somewhere, I suppose, and this may be the only exception where prison is the better alternative to life on the streets. The moderately nuts are left to drive the rest of us crazy. My previous "cellie" is a pretty good example: He would pace like a tiger in a cage -- back and forth, back and forth -- occasionally flapping his arms as a particular thought crossed his mind. It was a bit nervewracking.<br /><br />There are also a lot of former "meth heads" running about, and they're hard to discern from the usual looney-toons. Methamphetamine addiction ruins many so lives. Apparently, the damage done to the brain and other parts of the nervous system can be irreversible: they're permanently screwed up. When I was first arrested and in the county jail, it seemed like every other person was there for something meth-related. And so many still intend to smoke it, snort it, shoot it, or whatever again as soon as they are released. They're hooked for life. Not all, of course, but way too many. It breaks my heart. Please: Never do meth. Not even once, okay?<br /><br />Drug and alcohol addiction is by far the worst problem facing America and many other countries today. A hard statement to back up with facts, perhaps, but one look at our prison system should be enough to convince you. Drugs and alcohol are the reason most every one of us are in this place. It's either selling drugs, abusing them, or both. I myself was a chronic alcoholic and eventually lost my mind for a time. There's a reason why they call it "dope". People lose their ability to reason or even think straight, and in a short time this affects their character. They do things drunk and stoned that they would never even consider doing sober. And although there can be no excuse for their bevaviour, there is a reason for it. So, instead of immediately labeling someone a criminal and throwing them in prison forever, we really need to treat their addiction. After all, is the goal to fix the symptom or the cause of the problem? I say we can do both.<br /><br />The solution, I believe, is converting the majority of our prisons into rehabilitation centers as well. Then once an addict convicted of a crime is fully treated and on the road to recovery, they should be required to repay society by doing some legitimate community service work, rather than live off the public's tax dollars for too many years in prison. Incarceration should be a part of, but not the whole solution.<br /><br />Having said that, it seems that prison, by itself, has worked wonders for me, and I was a mess. I can thank God for my arrest because it literally saved my life as I was a suicidal alcoholic at the time. The first few months in jail were spent going through such horrific alcohol withdrawals that I honestly thought I was going to die some days. It took about three years to finally get my head on straight, though if asked any time before then, I would have said I was fine and ready to go(people who are really screwed up have a hard time realizing they're screwed up). But after five years behind bars, I would have been an excellent candidate for comunity service work while being on parole for another five to ten more years, instead of just rotting away as I am now of no real use to anybody and only a burden to society.<br /><br />To make the most of my own experience with drug and alcohol addiction, I have been studying for years to become a rehabilitation counselor myself. There is no one better to advise an addict than someone who's been through it themselves. What I've learned and discovered personally is that, after first treating the physical aspects of addiction, what's most important is instilling a sense of purpose and meaning in one's life. Because, besides thrill seeking and simple ignorance, feelings of hopelessness and meaninglessness are the underlying cause of drug and alcohol abuse. Also, because addicts will use any excuse to rationalize their behaviour, they need a powerful reason to abstain; they need to be convinced that there is a better option available: something that will make them feel even better than the drugs and alcohol they use. And that something, believe it or not, is "service to others". We all have the innate desire for worth, to contribute in some way; and the feelings one gets from helping someone else -- being needed, wanted, appreciated -- beats any other "high", hands down. Having such a reason to get up in the morning is a sure long term cure for addiction. And of course, having a support group of some kind is pretty essential.<br /><br />However, I believe the ultimate solution lies in an understanding of the true nature of reality, the universe, and our place in it. Call it spirituality or a belief in God, or the Divine. Though, for me, better than mere belief is knowing. I've found that it's possible to personally experience the Divine realm and prove to one's self the existence of a "higher", spiritual source of which we are all a part. Once a person realizes this as well as their souls ultimate purpose on earth, the desire to drink, do drugs, or otherwise self destruct goes right out the window. And this goes the same for any kind of criminal behaviour.<br /><br />To teach people how to personally experience the Divine for themselves, and to help as best as I know how from this prison cell, I've created MysticMinistries.org. The goal is to educate and enlighten people as to their true nature as spiritual beings. I recommend a number of excellent books and resources and basically just try to spark people's curiosity and interest to learn more. Please check out the site and refer your friends.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,204,0)">"What is to give light must endure burning."</span><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,204,0)">-- Viktor Frankl</span><br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left">The main purpose of this blog is to show that redemption is real. People really can change for the better. Our prisons are full of those who are proof of this. Some are veritable saints. Unfortunately, though, much due to excessive sentences and the denial of parole, many of these good, decent people who have atoned for their sins are languishing needlessly in overcrowded and underfunded prisons everywhere. I hope to bring greater awareness to this problem. With your help, perhaps together we can make a difference in the system.<br /><br />Over the coming months and probably years, I'll be your intrepid reporter with the "inside" scoop on life in prison. At times I'll probably go off on wild tangents or digress a bit from the main point, as tends to happen, but I'll always keep it real. There's a lot to discuss.<br /><br />Your feedback is really appreciated. Feel free to contact me anytime at ericremerowski@gmail.com or, better yet, please write to me at:<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">Eric Remerowski<br />1145256 Clements<br />9601 Spur 591<br />Amarillo, TX 79107<br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: left"><br />Thanks for listening and caring. Bye for now. -- Eric<br /></div></div></div></div><br /></div></div>Eric Remerowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16828945772637759403noreply@blogger.com0